Everybody But Us

Moving Day

2009-06-20T13:02:00.001-04:00

Setting up over at http://everybodybutus.tumblr.com/ from now on...

Allows me to feel better about quick short posts and send up links and videos as I see them. Since I haven't been able to write much, this will be much better.

So move on over there and check it out....

Vacation

2009-06-11T02:22:00.000-04:00

Until I get back from Ecuador and Peru I am going to take a mini-break from the blog. I am currently too mind fogged to type anything of interest anyway. Enjoy these four things I had saved to talk about some day soon. If the mood strikes me I may be back occasionally.

If not ... see you around July 17.

There is no God ... by Penn Jellette on why he believes there is no god and why that belief makes the world a better place

Bro Mitzvah rap:

Ronald Takiki ... how a legendary surfer became a legendary culturalist

Tsutomu Yamaguchi ... man who survived both Hiroshima and Nagasaki

My family's first dog

2009-06-10T02:22:00.000-04:00

When I was little my family did not have pets. As such, my sister and I really wanted a dog. Well, I assume I wanted a dog, but I was too young to really know what I wanted.

My sister was old enough to know. She was also old enough to know how to manipulate her little brother. As such, we once played a game called "dog".

In this game I was dressed up in Mickey Mouse ears and a tutu. Clearly this made me a dog.

Sadly there is proof:

Rock Chalk Jayhawk!

Literally, the most amazing videos

2009-06-09T02:22:00.000-04:00

Something I have started enjoying is literal versions of music videos. These are the real music videos of songs that have had the lyrics changed to describe what is going on in the asinine videos.

Here are some of my favorites:

Oprah is a bad doctor

2009-06-08T02:22:00.000-04:00

I hate celebrities espousing all these medical miracles that just don't exist or are unproven. I don't blame them per se, but it is still wrong. What is worse are the powerful idiots who give them the medium to speak.

One such person is Oprah.

If you don't know who Oprah is, she is a cult leader based out of a television who controls people through book clubs, magazines, and free gift giveaways. She also dispenses medical advice that makes the medical community cringe.

Honestly, we do we turn to Oprah for advice on anything?

Dieting and health: besides her obsession with being thinner, Oprah loves her fad diets that allowed her to be famous for extreme weight losses ... and the eventual regain.
Relationships: she has a closer relationship to her female friend than her long-term boyfriend and is still single. She was also really supportive of Tom Cruise's creepy behavior with Kate Holmes
Charity: while I applaud her efforts, the school in South Africa has had more than a few problems

In conclustion ... shut up Oprah. Quit brainwashing America with fads and your own insecurities. Try actually educating people with experts and not Susanne Somers.

Who ARE you?

2009-06-07T02:22:00.000-04:00

Why Nice Guys Should Finish First -- but Don't

The article is an interview with a historian and a psychiatrist about why the common saying "nice guys finish last" is a myth and why President Obama is rewriting how nice guys can finish first.

I do believe nice guys finish last. However, that is only when it comes to females. And that is only immature females. In the long run the best man wins. That is usually a strong, smart, and nice male.

In politics and business, it is usually considered a strong, goal oriented, and mean male finishes first. While that may seem the case, nice guys do actually finish first. In order to succeed anywhere ... business, politics, at a fish fry, etc. ... you need the ability to network and make connections in order to survive and advance. Nice people are able to do that. Mean people are able to put anything behind making advances or dollars, but in the long run they eventually falter.

So nice guys win at life, while mean guys win the the short term.

In conclusion, be yourself and never sell that out in order to get ahead. You won't win out.

Yes, he's better than you

2009-06-06T02:22:00.003-04:00

In high school I guarded a one-handed player at the end of a game my Sophomore year. At first I was nervous because I didn't want to embarrass them and steal the ball. After a few seconds I realized, I didn't want to get embarrassed by his superior ball-handling.

That brings me to Kevin Laue. Laue is a 6'10" basketball player who was recently signed to a D-1 scholarship at Manhattan University. Kevin was also born with one-hand.

It is a great story not just because of someone overcoming a disability to fulfill a dream, but because of what it says about first impressions. Yes someone with one hand can be a better basketball player than you. I hope he dominates at the next level.

I wear sandals, not flip flops

2009-06-05T02:22:00.000-04:00

Today I want to review a story I talked about a while ago based on this article. ESPN ran an update on the story here.

Elena Della Donne left UConn's basketball program after approximately two days last summer. She cited burnout and headed back home to Delaware to play volleyball instead of basketball. She had a successful year as a volleyball player, but now is returning to basketball and will play her next four years at Delaware.

She now admits that she wasn't burnt out and was merely homesick. She still has WNBA and Olympic aspirations and will most likely reach those. She is already the best basketball player to ever play at Delaware.

Earlier I applauded her for making a major life decision even when it was very difficult. I still applaud her. If this was nearly any other athlete, no one would care and she could make these decisions willy nilly. Sure they would be hard decisions, but at least they don't have to deal with ESPN when they make them.

What I like about this story coming full circle is that it speaks to following your heart. She followed her heart away from UConn to Delaware. It brought her away from basketball, but then back to the sport she loves. The point is, it gave her some time to clear her head and figure out what she really wants in life.

Sometimes things only really make sense when you are able to step away. I hope nothing but the best for her and her future. I am still impressed by her maturity and her strength in making difficult decisions. Hopefully, there won't need to be any more big decisions but if there are, I am sure she will handle them well.

Doing that Thursday thing

2009-06-04T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: Conversation I overheard...
"So what are you guys now? Friends with benefits?"
"Well, we have only seen each other once since we broke up, but it was pretty beneficial to me!"

LOW: Leroy Smith: The Man Who Motivated Michael Jordan. This website is genius and stars Charlie Murphy. This is what websites look like in Heaven.

GOW: Box Clever. Try to kill all the little green guys and get your blue guy to the goal. Trickier than it sounds.

POW: This picture is called "Mine" and is by Angela Davidson of the UK
VOW: I have a feeling this isn't real ... but it is sweet regardless

Watch Amazing Basketball Kicks on CollegeHumor

365...

2009-06-03T02:22:00.000-04:00

Today is the 365th post of Everybody But Us. A lot has happened in the past year. I finished being a tennis pro. I played Poultry Days for the first time. Started medical school. Developed some sort of fatigue or sleeping disorder. Went to Las Vegas. All that good stuff.

Thanks for the support and the comments. I will try to become a better writer and not cop out with shitty links or whatever. Good times.

Great oldies.

Designing nothing

2009-06-02T02:22:00.000-04:00

I love do it yourself design companies online. Absolutely way too much fun and a total time killer. Enjoy some of my favorites:

I usually just design and never buy anything. Usually you can save your best or send them to someone. Leave your best in the comments or e-mail at stepuptoflavor at gmail dot com. Maybe I will make a post about all my favs.

Oh Captain My Vomit

2009-06-01T02:22:00.000-04:00

Captain's Quarters is a horrible, horrible place. Emphasis on the... nevermind. I thought 4th Street was bad, but CQ may be douchier. At least at 4th Street the girls pretend they are just going there to dance.

CQ makes me want to vomit and I will never go there at night again. I am disgusted.

Letter to the Editor

2009-05-31T02:22:00.000-04:00

I wrote for my college paper for a short period of time. During that time we did a parody of our archrival's school newspaper. For that, I wrote a letter to the editor from Sean May. All you need to know about him, if you don't know who he is, is that he was a little hefty for a basketball player and it was fun to pretend he was an idiot. I don't know if he was an idiot and he was never really that fat.

I found that paper. I hope you enjoy it.

To the Editor:
Yo. Put a deep fryer in the cafeteria already. The recent addition of Hostess cupcakes and candy bars was a step in the right direction, but how am I to stay in prime shape if they aren't deep fried?

While we are updating our foods, why can't we get a deal with Hardee's to get Western Bacon Thinkburgers for lunch every day?

I also think we should use more pork in our menus here at UNC. If you dress it up with a different type of cheese every night, or just a stick of butter, pork can be used more than once a week.

Also, since when did sausage become a breakfast-only food? Let's have some of that every meal .. with gravy. Lots of chunky gravy.

Speaking of breakfast, since when do eggs only have white parts? Can we bring back the yellow/ My bacon-sausage-three cheese omelets do not taste the same with egg whites. Peace.

Shawn Mae
Junior (I think)
Early Ronald McDonald Studies

(Editor's note: This letter was found under our door written in blue crayon and refers to no particular article we have ever published)

Personally, I think it may try a little hard at times to be funny. But I really like the sausage as breakfast-only food part still.

Genuine Genius

2009-05-30T02:22:00.000-04:00

I first read about Daniel Tammet on a website called "Real-life Superheroes: 10 People with Incredible Abilities". To put it bluntly, Tammet is amazing. From the link:

Daniel Paul Tammet is a British high-functioning autistic savant gifted with a facility for mathematical calculations, sequence memory, and natural language learning. He was born with congenital childhood epilepsy. Experiencing numbers as colors or sensations is a well-documented form of synesthesia, but the detail and specificity of Tammet's mental imagery of numbers is unique. In his mind, he says, each number up to 10,000 has its own unique shape and feel, that he can "see" results of calculations as landscapes, and that he can "sense" whether a number is prime or composite. He has described his visual image of 289 as particularly ugly, 333 as particularly attractive, and pi as beautiful. Tammet not only verbally describes these visions, but also creates artwork, particularly watercolor paintings, such as his painting of Pi.

Tammet holds the European record for memorising and recounting pi to 22,514 digits in just over five hours. He also speaks a variety of languages including English, French, Finnish, German, Spanish, Lithuanian, Romanian, Estonian, Icelandic, Welsh and Esperanto. He particularly likes Estonian, because it is rich in vowels. Tammet is creating a new language called Mänti. Tammet is capable of learning new languages very quickly. To prove this for the Channel Five documentary, Tammet was challenged to learn Icelandic in one week. Seven days later he appeared on Icelandic television conversing in Icelandic, with his Icelandic language instructor saying it was "not human."

The Architect

2009-05-29T02:22:00.000-04:00

Took a Jung Typology Test today because it had been awhile since I took one. Once again I got the same result: INTP. Take the test here if you want.

So what does INTP mean?

I is for introvert. While many people who know me always joke with this, it is always true. I really enjoy having time to myself and spending time with a small group of people rather than a large group or party. Probably part of the reason why when I get trapped in situations for days at a time with no alone time I tend to get cranky. I had a 56% preference for introversion, which was classified as moderate.

N is for intuitive. The other scale for this is sensing, but I only had a slightly expressed (12%) intuitive personality according to the test.

T is for thinking, which is on a scale with feeling. I moderately expressed a thinking personality with 50% preference.

P is for perceiving. I had a moderate (33%) preference for a perceiving personality over judging.

INTP's are called "Architects" because they tend to be rational, reserved, and very analytical. According to the descriptions offered by the website is that Architects (INTP):

Are rare - maybe one percent of the population
Tend to see distinctions and inconsistencies instantaneously, and can detect contradictions no matter when or where they were made
Regard all discussions as a search for understanding, and believe their function is to eliminate inconsistencies, which can make communication with them an uncomfortable experience for many
Are ruthless pragmatists about ideas
Are insatiably curious
Are driven to find the most efficient means to their ends, and they will learn in any manner and degree they can
Will listen to amateurs if their ideas are useful, and will ignore the experts if theirs are not
Not impressed by authority derived from office, credential, or celebrity
Often seem difficult to know
Are inclined to be shy except with close friends, and their reserve is difficult to penetrate
Are able to concentrate better than any other type
Prefer to work quietly at their computers or drafting tables, and often alone
Become obsessed with analysis, and this can seem to shut others out
Prize intelligence
Can seem arrogant and may show impatience with others who have less ability, or who are less driven
May venture so deeply into thought as to seem detached, and often actually are oblivious to the world around them
Will often correct others (or be sorely tempted to) if the shade of meaning is a bit off
Relatively easy-going and amenable to almost anything until their principles are violated, about which they may become outspoken and inflexible
Spend considerable time second-guessing themselves -sense that one's conclusion may well be met by an equally plausible alternative solution, and that, after all, one may very well have overlooked some critical bit of data

So what do I think of this analysis of myself? Everyone likes to feel unique, so I obviously agree with 1. 2 is on the money, because I will flip out when there are typos on notes or tests, often correcting the mistake on my test even though it will never be read. 3 is kind of true. I generally am trying to understand something about people when I talk to them instead of just listening, but at the same time I am not great at paying attention to what people say sometimes.

4 and 5 are true. I really like theory and ideas more than I like application. I have been known to sometimes read through wikipedia for a few hours just going from one theory or historical page to another. I think 6 is true in the sense that I hate busy work or doing anything that is just a chore or something to do. I want whatever I am doing to actually matter.

7 is very true in that I don't give a crap who came up with an idea if it is good. I think too often we look to "experts" to solve our issues when really an amateur can sometimes come up with an idea easier. This eaily ties into 8 as far as my views on authority. I don't just listen to authority, it needs to prove it deserves my respect and attention.

I have a hard time knowing myself sometimes, so I assume 9 is true. 10 is really true for me and when I try to overcome it and be more social ... 3 can come out to play a lot. 11 is false as of right now with the whole ADD thing. If that proves to be a fatigue or sleeping issue then maybe it will be true. I used to be able to lose myself in thought and a book and I'd be hard to reach. Now I cannot read a chapter without zoning out, forgetting what I read, or falling asleep. Anyone who sees me study knows 12 is true.

I'm not sure about 13. I like analysis I guess, obsessed seems a bit much and I hope I don't shut people out because of this? 14 is true for sure. 15 can be true in my own head, but I think I do a good job understanding it and not letting it show ... except when I am tired. When I have taught I never got frustrated with students, except when I thought they were being lazy (but I never said that to them and tried to help them). When I coach or play a sport I really do get frustrated with teammates who make mistakes over and over. I usually mumble under my breath about it and then try to encourage them ... or ignore them. So maybe this is truer than I thought.

I am not sure 16 is fully true. I can zone out with the best of them and may have walked into a tree once or twice .. but.... ok. I hate to admit I do 17, but not too often. But I generally do it when I think I am just teasing someone. I bet that is annoying though. Yikes.

18 is classic me. I will rarely get upset about something. However, when you "violate my principles" I become a stubborn jackass and get seriously angry. Apologies generally caclm me down, but don't let me forgive.

19 is true, but I think it is true for most people. Everyone second guesses themselves I feel. The data part is very true in that I always worry I am missing something or make a decision based on information that I have, but it isn't the whole story. Who knows.

So do I agree with INTP? Of course I do. You take a test, it tells you what you are and you can read into it as much or little as you want. I do basically everything they said to at least some extent and a good number describe me perfectly. That said, I take these descriptions with a grain of salt. I (or anyone else) cannot be fully summed up in a test and a few paragraphs.

Unless it is that I don't know myself well enough to be correct ... oh but there I go second guessing myself again haha. Take the test and let me know about yourself!

Play him away keyboard cat!

2009-05-28T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "You know what I like about you? Nothing..."~old man to our blackjack dealer ... he was up

LOW: Interesting article about elderly people falling and an inner ear cause

GOW: Celebrity Pedigree. Breed dogs and try to fill a 5 star kennel. All the dogs are a form of celebrity.

POW: I went to the Third Eye Blind concert so here is a picture of what the band's name is claiming to be unable to see...

VOW: If you enjoy Keyboard Cat, and how can you not, you will really, really enjoy Keyboard Gato...

Not as much as Michael Phelps...

2009-05-27T02:22:00.000-04:00

Over a break freshman year I was sitting in my friend's basement with a group of people. We were talking and sharing stories of our first semester at school. Eventually my friend's dad came down to hang out.

This was normal. The man used to buy us pizza and snacks and play poker with us, only to give back our money if he won. He was pretty good, so he generally won.

So he just sits there and listens to us talk for a bit. Finally he turns to me and asks the oddest question.

"So ... how many calories they got you eating a day?"

I thought for a second, realized I had no clue how many calories I ate per day, and responded with ... nothing.

My friend spoke before I could and said what we were all thinking "Dad, that is a really weird question."

We laughed about it and talked some more. He knew I had been trying to gain weight for sports and was wondering how it was going. He just asked it bizarrely. Still love that guy, but that story is a favorite.

Salutes

2009-05-26T02:22:00.000-04:00

Yesterday was Memorial Day. I just want to take a moment to thank everyone who has put on the uniform of this country with honor to fight for our country and our ideals. Thank you.

Special mention to both my grandparents who were in the navy in World War II.

You have go to be kidding me..

2009-05-25T02:22:00.000-04:00

Hey NBA officials. You need to stop being idiots. I don't necessarily want the game to go back to the Pat Riley Knicks' style, but allow some stuff.

What finally truly got me mad was the flagrant foul called on Anthony Johnson. He was fouled by Mo Williams as he drove to the basket. As contact was made, Johnson went to try and shoot, meaning he had to square himself to the goal a little. Therefore, his elbow struck the defender in the face. A defender who was called for a blocking foul mind you.

Play is at the 45 second mark or so...

This contact evidently warranted a flagrant 1 foul. Well, at first it was a flagrant 2 foul, which is an automatic ejection, but they changed their minds.

Are you out of your minds? If a defender gets too close and gets hit in the head with an elbow on a normal basketball play, guess whose fault that is? The defenders.

The cleaned up game is prettier and more points are scored, but use some common sense every now and then.

One more for the road

2009-05-24T02:22:00.000-04:00

She looked at me and said "sorry" before turning and walking out of my life forever. I sat in my chair, sweaty glass in my hand, and watched her leave.

"Hey!" I yelled across the sparsely crowded room. "You know what I always liked about you?"

She slowed down and began to turn. My heart skipped a beat. I knew that everything depended on my next word.

"Nothing!" I cackled as I finished my drink.

Her response was typical. She lifted her head up and walked defiantly out of the room with all eyes on her. Except mine.

I stared at my shoes through the bottom of my empty glass. When I looked back up, the room stared back.

The little old lady across from me shook her head and asked, "What do you have to say for yourself?"

I looked back at the bottom of my glass. "I think I need another drink..."

Stones taught me to fly

2009-05-23T02:22:00.000-04:00

Meet Dr. Ezekiel Emanuel. He may very well be the most influential person in your health, especially if you are uninsured.

Thanks to PC5 for the link...

Awful Waffles!

2009-05-22T02:22:00.000-04:00

I have never felt smarter than winning trivia night at Flanagan's. Thank goodness I know useless knowledge. Go Team Awful Waffles

Sports fans are annoying. Getting good recruits is a step to winning a title, but does not make an NIT team an NCAA Champion in a summer. That is why they play the games.

NBA fans are possibly worse. The officiating is horrible. It doesn't favor one person or team. It is just bad.

I saw the movie Role Models the other day. Nothing is funnier than small children cussing. Well, maybe Paul Rudd being Paul Rudd. This movie has both.

The Bubbles! Oh God the BUBBLES

2009-05-21T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: “If you want to get laid, go to college. If you want an education, go to the library.” ~Frank Zappa.

Honestly, you can sit in on basically any class and no one will really notice you (as long as the class size is decent). Anything you learn can be found reading the books from the syllabus anyway. You only need a college so much as you need a piece of paper.

LOW: This kind of sums up Jenny McCarthy and her crusade against vaccines. I know she is searching for answers and is trying to be helpful, but she is wrong and could put her voice to so many other things that can actually help

GOW: Enjoy Popopop... Much harder than it seems

POW: This is the sun ... to see what is so awesome about this photo in particular click here.

VOW: God I love these skits...

That, if you remember, is a sequel to this masterpiece:

My experience with Performance Enhancers

2009-05-20T02:22:00.000-04:00

I woke up early for my 8 am game. I pulled on my jersey and headed to the breakfast table. I grabbed a bowl and filled it with Cinnamon Toast Crunch. I added some milk. Then I devoured that sugary goodness.

Fast forward to the game. Playoffs. I was playing up a division as an 8 year old and my team, the Spurs, were playing in the first round. Down by two (Ok I don't remember the score but it was close) with two minutes left. I catch the ball in the corner and let one fly.

Three pointer. Nothing but net.

Next time down the court ... instant replay.

I finished the game with 12 points and my team won. Those were my first two three-pointers I ever made. We went on to win the title that year. The real Spurs would win won later.

Cinnamon Toast Crunch became THE pre-game breakfast cereal of my childhood.

Not to alarm you

2009-05-19T02:22:00.000-04:00

I love not setting alarms. Yesterday I fell asleep reading a novel at about 8pm and woke up on the couch at 1:15 am. I then stumbled to bed and slept until 11:30am.

If this wasn't summer I would have missed something important. Instead, I surfed the internet on my phone until 1 and then crawled out of bed.

Setting alarms is for chumps.

I'm Sore'y

2009-05-18T02:22:00.000-04:00

Being out of shape sucks. I ran around and was active all day Saturday.

It was great.

Then I could barely walk to my car.

When I tried to get out of bed the next day, my body responded with revolt. Not that I blame it.

Sorry body. I promise to get you back into shape so you enjoy those types of days so much you want them to occur every day.

Booverine

2009-05-17T02:22:00.000-04:00

"Wolverine" is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. Do not spend money on that piece of trash.

The acting was painful, especially the love interest.

The dialogue was atrocious.

Even the CGI looked horribly fake in a number of scenes.

Save your money and avoid that movie.

A Salute

2009-05-16T02:22:00.000-04:00

This is Phil Packer. Mr. Packer just finished his first marathon. Before that he rowed the English Channel. Next month he will climb El Capitan in California (a 3,000 foot vertical rock formation).

If you think Phil Packer is more man than you will ever be ... you have no idea how right you are.

Phil Packer is a former British soldier who was injured in Iraq. He lost feeling and control of his legs and bowel and urinary control. He is tackling this extreme physical endeavors to raise money for wounded soldiers.

He completed the marathon on crutches. Just being on crutches when he had been told he would never walk again would be enough for most people. Instead, Packer crutched two miles a day for 13 days to complete the London Marathon. If his doctor hadn't limited him to two miles a day, I am sure he would have gone faster.

In times when most athletic "heroes" are doing nothing but letting us down, it is heart warming to see what a real hero looks like.

Go Whalers!

2009-05-15T02:22:00.000-04:00

Since I am brain dead and feel like I spent a month hanging out with Corey Blount, I am just going to leave you with a really good story. I alredy have a good person of the week for tomorrow, but I wanted to pass this story along.

Now if only our country would invest in education instead of failed CEOs...

Happy Birthday Mom

2009-05-14T02:22:00.002-04:00

Before we get to the regularly scheduled blog... as the title suggests, it is my mom's birthday. She loves that her birthday and Mother's Day are so close ... just thrilled. Have a happy birthday Derst.

QOW: "Instead of doing it like a secret dog, why don't you just do it like a man"~J.D. Sparks to Johnathan Meador, a LEO Weely reporter and my high school classmate. For more see below.

LOW: A House Divided (& Then Some) is the article about how Johnathan Meador was accosted, physically and verball, by J.D. Sparks. Who is J.D. Sparks? No one at all, just a vigilante at a political event that takes care of criminals. And by criminals we mean reporters who are filming the room before an event so they can do a story.

GOW: Civiballs. Clever little game that was a good dinner break from studying.

POW: Mine That Bird won the 2009 Kentucky Derby. Photo is copyright of Crisp/AP.

VOW: This is even more impressive when you take into account the fact I can barely sit on an exercise ball...

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Dissed by cookie

2009-05-13T02:22:00.000-04:00

Today I opened up my fortune cookie, hoping for some good news. Big day coming up. Had some health issues. Ready for something upbeat.

Instead....

"For better luck you have to wait till spring."

Forget you cookie. I don't believe in luck and I ain't waiting for anything.

For completion my Learn Chinese word was "Chopsticks" or should I say "Kuai-Zi" and my lucky #s 1, 14, 25, 29, 32, 38.

Check back next year to see if those numbers when me the lottery on the first day of spring.

How to become and "overnight" success in 25 years

2009-05-12T02:22:00.000-04:00

I never was particularly fond of the Detroit Pistons. Probably for that reason I never cared about Chuancey Billups. I didn't dislike him, just didn't care. This article though, made me care a little more.

This article should be mandatory reading in high school locker rooms across the country. It should be read before every AAU basketball game and after every practice.

Beyond that it should be read by every young athlete. Hell, it should be read by every athlete. Actually, everyone should read it, young or old.

Not that Billups did anything amazing. The article just portrays what it takes to become an NBA All-Star: talent, hard work, maturity, sacrifice, and a little luck.

Too often people think they are entitled to things. You aren't entitled to anything. You can do everything right and end up in a bad situation. If you don't do everything right, you are nearly guaranteed to end up in a bad situation.

So today I rave on the components that get you far in life: hard work, maturity, sacrifice, and learning from your mistakes.

Amazing article.

Fyourlife

2009-05-11T02:22:00.000-04:00

One thing can stop immediately: FML.

Honestly, it was hilarious in "Super Bad" when the janitor at the liquor store said that line. It is awesome on fmylife.com.

It can stop in your everyday talk or on your facebook statuses (why isn't the plural stati?). If you think your life is truly "F"'d then submit that to the website and move on with your life.

No one really likes to hear people whine about how bad things are because, shockingly, then can always be a whole lot worse. People love that website because the stories are just ridiculous and terribly unlucky. No one cares if you are studying so much that FML!

In conclusion, shut your face, count your blessings, and stop whining.

Happy Mother's Day

2009-05-10T02:22:00.000-04:00

For many years today was the day we would put on nice clothing and go to the horse track for a buffet and my introduction to gambling. While I find it kind of hard to imagine this was my mom's first choice for the day, perhaps she really wanted to make bold $2 bets on the favorite to show.

While I doubt that, I bet my mom did want to spend time with her family in any way possible.

Which is to say: for reward and celebration of doing the hardest job in the world - being a mom - my mom only wanted to spend time with her family.

That is the amazing thing about moms. When I imagine the hours and hours spent birthing, raising, cleaning, feeding, etc. that goes into raising children, I would think a reward would be a day of vacation. Instead, they only want to spend that day with their children.

I could write an Ayn Rand length novel about how much my mom did for me ... it still would not do her justice. Instead all I can say is: Thank you mom, I love you.

Here's lookin' at you Kid

2009-05-09T02:22:00.000-04:00

The person of the week this week is Ken Griffey, Jr.

"The Kid" will always be remembered for that sweet swing, the amazing catches, and big smile as he cranked home run after home run.

Turns out, everyone playing during that era was on steroids. Yet no one has indicated Griffey. In fact, he got injured the old fashioned way ... making diving catches, slamming into walls, and pulling hamstrings.

Now he is at the end of his career. Gained some weight through the middle and his numbers are in sharp ... sharp decline. He is aging like a regular human being.

I want to thank "The Kid" for being the best baseball player of our generation. One of the all-time greats. Without injuries he would be the new Home Run King ... but that is life. As of right now he is one thing: The best of our generation without steroid allegations.

If he keeps that record for the rest of his life he will truly be baseball's savior. I believe in you Griff ... please have been clean.

Who knocked up Manny?

2009-05-08T02:22:00.000-04:00

If you test positive for hCG then you are usually pregnant.

If you are Manny Ramirez then you are suspended for 50 games... or a miracle of modern medicine.

Either way we don't get to see Manny play baseball until July.

To be fair, maybe Manny is infertile due to natural problems with his boys. That or he used to take steroids and now doesn't make testosterone anymore and therefore used hCG to restart that process.

Either way, no Manny joins the list of all the other cheaters... aka everyone who played Major League Baseball in the 90s and early 2000s.

Good luck with the baby, Manny. Hope it's a boy.

"Our economy is based on LeBron James..."

2009-05-07T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "I woke up this morning being like fuck! I'm a mom! And then I was like, no...that was a dream...because they were kittens" ~a friend of mine telling a story of a dream in which she gave birth to kittens.

LOW: Welcome to Alex Clark Music. A good friend of mine is very talented at music. This is his website. Enjoy.

GOW: Power Golf. This game is deceptively difficult at times. That said, I wish I was this good at real golf.

POW: I know these types of pictures are two years old ... but come on. Bob Ross rocks.

VOW: In honor of LeBron James, I present the two Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Videos:

Watch Hastily Made Cleveland Tourism Video on CollegeHumor

See more funny videos and funny pictures at CollegeHumor.

Too much tini ...

2009-05-06T02:22:00.000-04:00

Today marks the end of one of my favorite tv show: "Scrubs". It marks the third straight year I thought that was true, but it got renewed two years ago, the writer's strike ruined that possibility and the show changed channels, and finally now it will happen.

Two years ago when the show didn't look like it would be picked back up by NBC I was also leaving a place I had called home. On one of my last nights in town I went to my favorite burger place (where you can get a burger for a dollar after 10 pm) with a couple friends.

One of my friends, we will call him JD because he remind me of JD on "Scrubs", really wanted to buy me a drink as a going away present. I finally relented on the condition that it was an appletini in honor of Scrubs and that he drink half.

He came back from the bar and said they didn't make them, but the bartender would do what he could. Five minutes later an appletini was sitting in front of me.

So, JD and I drank that appletini like champions. Two straws ... at the same time. Of course a picture was taken. We laughed. I described it as the character JD would on the show as "Too much tini, not enough apple."

JD then went inside to pay for the drink. Our waitress, a female, saw him and went to get the check. When she brought it back to him at the bar (I was outside at our table) she smiled really big and said, "Aww you found someone to share with! LUCKY!"

Needless to say, JD didn't go back to that restaurant for awhile.

Put another shrimp on the barbie

2009-05-05T02:22:00.001-04:00

I love Australians. They seem so laid back and awesome. Even when they are having the worst luck of anyone to ever step foot on a gameshow. Ever.

Watch Unluckiest Game Show Contestant and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Sorry for cop out post... my brain stopped working at noon.

Pennsylvania ... what the hell?

2009-05-04T02:22:00.000-04:00

Obviously I don't know the full story or all of the information provided in the case, but this case and acquittal has left me with a sick feeling in my stomach.

Regardless of the race issues and the guilt involved in starting the fight, I don't know how someone can be beaten to death, and kicked while on the ground, and the people who admit they were in the fight are only convicted of simple assault.

If I punched someone on the street that would be simple assault. If I punched someone who was attacking me that would be self-defense. If that person fell down, in either of those cases, and I proceeded to kick them in the head until part of their brain came out ... that is not simple assault. That is something much much worse.

This case disgusts me and I have no idea how that verdict could be reached in such a case. The fact that family and friends were so jubilant is also disgusting to me. I understand you are relieved your family/friends are not going to jail for a really long time, but someone died because of them ... admittedly. Show some restraint. I am sure you made the widow and fatherless children feel so much better.

Worst Two Minutes in Sports

2009-05-03T02:22:00.000-04:00

That was one of the most boring Derby's of all time. No drama. No real race. Just muddy slop and a complete unknown being the only one to handle it well.

How disappointing.

Almost as disappointing as going out to the bars and people watching afterward. Honestly, I have never seen so many skanky looking girls and meathead/douchey looking guys in my life.

Overall a good day, though. Just a boring race and gross strangers. Had fun with friends and that is all that really counts in the end. But sometimes I wonder about my generation.

KC Royalty

2009-05-02T02:22:00.000-04:00

The best pitcher in MLB plays in Kansas City. His name is Zack Greinke and a few years ago he walked away from the game for a few months.

What makes Greinke so amazing is his savant like ability on the mound and is social anxiety disorder. He has been a top phenom, out of the game, and the best pitcher in the league so far in 2009. All of this at the ripe age of 25.

The thing that I love about his story is not only how good he is and what he has gone through, but the stories of how he used to play around on the mound to keep himself from boredom on the mound. While it was part of his social anxiety problems, it also allowed him to develop into the amazing pitcher he is: absolute control of speed and location.

You don't often see stories like this in sports. Someone who has overcome so much in such a short time and with their entire future in front of them. Here's to you Zack and the Royals. Good luck with everything.

And down the stretch...

2009-05-01T02:22:00.000-04:00

If you are sitting there on this wonderful Friday and are in school or at work or doing something that is required ... I laugh.

See here in my town we get this day off. I didn't even know we were the only people in the world that got this day off of school until I was in 3rd or 4th grade. It was natural. It felt right.

The festival is finally over with it's stupid events.

Bring on the horses.

Do you have a derby mind?

2009-04-30T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "With drugs, anything is possible." ~my professor, not meaning what that phrase seems to mean out of context

LOW: Bea Arthur passed away and one of my favorite comedy sites paid tribute. BA was awesome.

GOW: Steeple Chase. In honor of the derby the closest game I found to horse racing in which I actually had fun playing.

POW: I don't know/care is it is real. Credit given where it is deserved.

VOW: This is my favorite in a series of Vlogs about being a vampire ... they are so simple, yet so funny. And I would convert to being a vampire for her. If it wasn't a comedy Vlog and she was really a vampire. Just saying.

Shocking the Law

2009-04-29T02:22:00.000-04:00

There he sat. A member of the Raleigh police in his uniform and clean cruiser. We caught eyes and his jaw dropped at my audacity.

His car had slowly crept up, silently, along the side of the building. I stood in the parking lot doing something sweetly stupid. I was alone for the moment. For a brief second I stopped what I was doing and smiled. The officer continued to stare.

At that moment I was on doughnut 8 of 12 in a Krispy Kreme Challenge eating practice. My friend Danger had just run inside for more water. It was at that moment that the officer had pulled up to the drive-in window to collect his order.

The look on his face was a mix of curiosity and disgust. If he could think of some technicality to have arrested me, I think I would have been sent to jail. As it was, I just popped doughnut nine into my mouth and he shook his head.

Danger returned and we each finished our dozen doughnuts. During that time the officer stared at us some more before finally driving away.

I can only hope his doughnuts were for training as well and he went home to sign up for the KKC.

Do you like drugs?

2009-04-28T02:22:00.000-04:00

I would like to rave a little bit about a country named Portugal. Portugal did something recently that I think America should do ... decriminalized drugs.

Shockingly the world didn't end and people didn't all of a sudden start doing drugs. You know what did happen? Drug crime went down (duh), the number of people using hard drugs declined, and the people who were using drugs and continued to do so are safer. Even better, individuals that had been previously sent to jail were now offered therapy. Imagine that ... trying to help people instead of locking them away.

By making something illegal you do not protect innocent people from its dangers. All you do is make something that might be dangerous and make it hide in the shadows so it becomes even more dangerous.

Well done Portugal... America, you're up.

I want a golden goose NOW daddy

2009-04-27T02:22:00.000-04:00

Instant feedback. For many things it seems wonderful. For others it is the dumbest thing in the history of whatever it is you are getting the instant feedback.

For example: the NFL Draft.

There is no way to tell if a draft pick or a trade or a team's whole draft year is a bust the day after the draft. You have to wait years to see who panned out and who didn't. Who was a good fit for a team and who wasn't. It just baffles me that you can say a team did great before any of the players have had a practice, let alone a game, in the NFL.

And really, what is good instant feedback in our world these days? Popular culture? Have you seen popular culture? That is not good instant feedback.

The only time instant feedback ever really seems like a good thing is when it comes to cooking or editing a paper. And only editing for grammar and spelling, not for art. Any editing of art is horrendous if it changes what the artist wants.

In conclusion ... take a long-term approach to most things. It usually is a lot better. It always is more accurate.

Who needs high school?

2009-04-26T02:22:00.000-04:00

So a high school junior recently announced he said he would skip his senior year in high school to play professionally in Europe for two years and then enter the NBA (aka once he is eligible for the NBA). As predicted when someone finally decided to leave high school early because of basketball, the world ended.

Oh wait.

While there have been wonderful sentiments actually stating why this is a good move (it is for him), most people continue to harp on a few things that make no sense to me whatsoever.

He needs to get an education? Really? Because he is guaranteed to pay attention and learn while in high school or one year of college? If his basketball career pans out like it is supposed to then he really won't use that education anyway. If it doesn't ... at least he made money playing a game when he could.

By going to Europe to develop his game, he will enter a world where he can focus on getting stronger and more skilled against bigger and better players than high school or college. He can make money instead of playing for a college system that would just use his talents for basically nothing. Lastly, he puts himself in a position to make more money down the road by becoming a better, more mature basketball player.

I understand why some people may think he should stay in school and get an education. Education is very important ... if you aren't offered millions of dollars to do something else. When you are offered millions of dollars to do something else, you put school on a back burner. However, if you are outraged or think he should stay in school then you better have the same beliefs for any professional without a GED or high school diploma: actresses like Miley Cyrus, singers like the Jonas Brothers, other athletes like Freddy Adu or the numerous tennis players that were the darling of our athletic eye, etc. etc.

While many of us wish Miley Cyrus and the Jonas Brothers were stuck in high school and not polluting our pop culture with their "Hey we are selling sex to young kids, but masking it with purity rings" none of us can blame them for making as much money as possible when they can, regardless of age.

Bottom line ... if someone offered me 4 million dollars to go do something I enjoyed doing instead of go to my senior year of high school, in 2004 I would have had 4 million dollars and no high school diploma. The hope is obviously I would continue making money doing that thing I loved. If for some reason that money ended, then I would get my GED and go to college. If the money continued ... I'd keep getting that money.

Here's the kicker ... I don't even really care about money, but I know not to look a gift horse in the mouth.

Sometimes I wonder why America has debates when an African-American leaves school early to be a professional athlete, but when white teeny-bopper entertainers or tennis players do the same they are given awards and magazine spreads. I hate nothing worse than hypocrisy. I say ... go play. Make your money and become a better player. If you get hurt or become a bust ... at least you got paid when you got hurt or became a bust instead of doing so in college. That "at least he got an education" bullshit ... guess what kind of education $1 million dollars can get you.

Americans are dumb. Or racist. But I repeat myself.

Not a sprint...

2009-04-25T02:22:00.000-04:00

I know I promised running stories on Friday and failed to deliver. Apologies to all zero of you who probably noticed. Perhaps I will get to that tomorrow.

The person of the week this week is Haile Gebreselassie, the world record holder for the marathon. He ran 2:03:59 in Berlin in 2008, which is freaking ridiculous.

He has set world records in distances from 2 miles to a marathon (26.2) miles. Basically he is the most ballinest runner in the history of running.

Good luck to all those running today, I will be cheering you on with my fat knee. Thanks to the five people who offered to run for Damien, he is a baller and a true inspiration. Good luck everyone.

Honest Abe

2009-04-24T02:22:00.000-04:00

"It is said an Eastern monarch once charged his wise men to invent him a sentence, to be ever in view, and which should be true and appropriate in all times and situations. They presented him the words: 'And this, too, shall pass away.' How much it expresses! How chastening in the hour of pride! How consoling in the depths of affliction!" ~Abraham Lincoln

This too shall pass.

My lip gloss is poppin

2009-04-23T02:22:00.001-04:00

QOW: "People are in a hurry to magnify themselves by imitating what is popular...and too lazy to think of anything better." - Thomas Merton

LOW: Google: Louisville, KY is the most obscene city in the U.S. Hell yeah?

GOW: Governor of Poker. Try to take over Texas city by city. Then secede?

POW: Behold... Chocolate Christ.
VOW: My favorite SC commercial ever? Probably...

Why? Because I like pain?

2009-04-22T02:22:00.001-04:00

It was all a spur of the moment thing. I heard about the race one day before it began. I signed up that night and drove to go coach a basketball game. I got home at 10:30pm and at 6:00am I was up and driving to the forset.

Little did I know it had snowed in the middle of the night.

So I showed up to the course, freezing. When it dawned on me, "I haven't run in a month." This is not something you want to be thinking about before running a 15 mile trail run with the words "Lovin' the Hills" are in the name, especially when the course was covered in snow and ice.

I was there though and I met my old high school coach. We jogged a bit to keep from freezing and made it to the start line. The gun was raised and we took off. We ran together for most of the race, somehow finding ourselves in third and fourth place.

Then we hit ice mountain. I call it ice mountain because to the left was a pretty steep drop and on the path was pure ice... at a 30 degree angle. My coach was smart and decided to not risk death. The race itself was risking death to me so I charged ahead. I noticed someone had fallen in front of me due to the footprints. I promptly fell too. I left some blood on the ice to warn my coach.

Everything was going amazingly well until one mile to go. It was then that I got hopelessly lost. After going along the 50K course (crazy bastards) for about a half mile, I was told to head back. I ended up in 7th. Granted third place averaged 9:40 miles and I officially averaged 10:00 miles, so it isn't like we were speed demons.

I couldn't walk the next day and it took me four days to be warm again, but it was sure worth it to know ... ok no. It was one of the dumbest things I have ever done running wise.

Not the dumbest (see this coming Friday for the full list), but it sure as hell wasn't smart.

Charlie will always make me smile

2009-04-21T02:22:00.000-04:00

When I was a younger I dreamed of having a puppy all my own. So one Christmas I put on my Texas tuxedo and drove to visit my grandma and aunt ... and to get a dog named Charlie.

Charlie was a big puppy. But he was a great dog. He was friendly, rarely barked, and wasn't too needy.

Except he could easily jump our fence and run away.

Still we loved Charlie. We gave him a buzz cut and laughed. He smiled and wagged his tail. Even when we were mad at him for running away, he would still make us smile at the end of the day. He was a sweet heart.

One day Charlie ran across a major road to a Jewish temple during a Bar Mitzvah. We were concerned. Later he ran across a bigger street to Kroger, and back. It was time to give him a new home where he couldn't jump the fence as easily.

So Charlie went to live with my grandma. He still got out from time to time, but mellowed with old age. He quietly laid around and kept my grandma company. She walked him multiple times a day so he could potty, but really so she could get out and be active.

As the years went by Charlie slowed down more and more. So has my grandma. Yet they kept strong despite their health problems. They were so good for each other. In a way Charlie kept my grandma going each day. He relied on her for food and walks and everything. She never let him down.

Sadly Charlie had to put to sleep yesterday. It was time and no one wanted to see him suffer anymore than he was already. I'll always remember him as my first dog, for his happy face as he ran through neighbor's yards like it was a big game, and the way he always could make me smile. Most importantly, I'll remember Charlie for bravely soldiering on into old doggy age and being there for my grandma everyday.

If I could be that little boy wearing too much denim again, I would give you that big hug again and again. You epitomize the reason people love their pets so much. I'll miss you.

Thank you Charlie.

Boom goes the dynamite.

2009-04-20T02:22:00.000-04:00

I have never understood fireworks. The go boom. Make colors. And everyone goes "ooh" and "ahh". Why? Once you've seen 5 minutes of a show you have seen all that is good about fireworks ever.

People go nuts over them and I am not sure why. People even go so far as to watch them on television... which just baffles me. I can at least understand going to a fireworks show with friends or what have you, but tv? Watch something entertaining.

Now lighting your own fireworks and running away after they are lit like a scared girl so you don't blow your hand/face off ... entertainment. Watching a professional display of fireworks ... boring.

I am Idiot and so can you

2009-04-19T02:22:00.000-04:00

"Why I am an idiot ... and why I blame America" by Whale Cancer

One of the things I would love to be is bilingual. While there is still plenty of time for me to make this dream a reality, it should be said that America really let me down in this department. Language learning skills are best in young children and during those peak years I was given no foreign language training.

Why? Because until recently Americans saw learning foreign language as stupid, because everyone important spoke English. I am sure there are more reasons, most of them pertaining to the social dominance of America, but that is the main one.

While this seemed true, and still does since English is the language of science and the internet, it doesn't incorporate so many other things. The cultural and social importance of knowing other languages continues to grow as the world "shrinks". Not only that but the better you can communicate in other languages, the better you will be able to find jobs.

I want to learn other languages because I love to travel and that would make my travel experiences less touristy since I could venture off the English path. More than that, I would love to one day work in a foreign country and how can I help patients if I can only speak English? I don't want to rely on a translator.

So why am I an idiot? There are children in Europe who speak 5+ languages fluently. I, as you can tell by reading this, struggle with the English language: my first and only language.

Maybe one day I will be able to rewrite this blog post in multiple languages. Or at least, better English.

My Hero

2009-04-18T02:22:00.002-04:00

The person of the week this week is Damien P. Damien is an 11 year old with acute lymphoblastic leukemia (ALL) who I met yesterday at the children's hospital. He was diagnosed on August 25, 2008 and has since battled bravely, and with a smile. He even bragged that he required the longest needle of all the other kids to reach his port.

His Cuban family moved as political refugees to France in 1991, where Damien was born. Eventually they moved to Louisville via Orlando, Miami, and Indianapolis. In fact, Damien had only been in town three weeks when he was diagnosed. Naturally he did not have much time to make many friends here, but he is excited about visiting Indianapolis soon.

Damien said he loves playing sports, but hasn't been able to recently. Thus he loves video games now. He has an XBOX 360, PSP, and a DS but kind of gets bored since he has beaten every game he owns. If I ever get the chance to play him in a video game he will destroy me. I also found out he is very skilled in math, not only that but he likes school. Obviously a bright future. His favorite restaurant is Outback Steakhouse because it raises his blood count. The kid has jokes.

If you aren't already feeling like Damien is probably more awesome than you ... he is trilingual. Also, he was walking and fluent in his first language when he was only 1.5. When I was 1.5 it was a good day when I only pooped myself once.

Anyway, the reason I met Damien is because I am running the Derby City Marathon for him through a "Medal for Mettle" program. As I have ran 7 miles in the past six months, my finishing will be 100% because of Damien and his inspiration. I hope one day to have the courage and bravery he does. What a hero.

Convocation of Thanks Student Reflection

2009-04-17T02:22:00.000-04:00

On Tuesday the medical, dental, and graduate students had a "Convocation of Thanks" in honor of those who had donated their physical remains so that we may learn. I was chosen to write a student reflection and present it as a speech during the ceremony. Here is my reflection:

The best teachers stay with us throughout life. Their lessons and examples go far beyond the scope of any lecture, textbook, or diagram. Their ideals and character remain well after their students have walked, diploma in hand, across a stage and into the next period of their life.

The best teachers are commended for their dedication, their passion for knowledge, and their sacrifice. They do not simply allow us to memorize rote facts, but give us the tools and the abilities to understand. The best teachers take a part of them and leave it with every student they teach.

I met the best teacher of my life on the first day of medical class. I was scared and nervous and he taught me to be confident and brave. He taught me lessons on dedication, dignity, compassion, empathy, and respect. He took his act of dying and made it an example on how to cope with my own mortality and the mortality of my future patients.

This teacher was my first patient: the man who had donated his body so that I may learn. His dedication and belief in our future as physicians is a gift I can never fully repay. For the rest of my life he will remain as my conscience and guide me to be the best person I can.

It is fitting that in a ceremony where my class was introduced into the medical community, merely days before we met our first patients, this quote was shared with our class: “If I have seen further it is only by standing on the shoulders of Giants.” The individuals who shared their bodies with us, in order that we may learn and “see further” are our giants. They will never be forgotten by us for their selfless gift and their humbling lessons. On behalf of my classmates and from the bottom of my heart I thank them

Oh hot damn....

2009-04-16T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "Decide that you want it more than you are afraid of it." ~Bill Cosby

LOW: The Futile Pursuit of Happiness. Not what it seems at first by glancing at the title. Article on how humans strive for things they think will make them happy -- fame, power, money, etc -- but fail to actually make them happy.

GOW: Baseball Juiced. Not sure the full point of this game is, but it is fun disgracing your least favorite baseball played by repeatedly testing positive for steroids after hitting absolute bombs.

POW: I pity the fool who doesn't enjoy this picture of first name Mister, middle name Period, last name T.

VOW: Sent to me separately by both my parents. This video is an amazing example of why you should never judge someone by just looking at them. Even beyond all of that it gave me goosebumps... Simply beautiful.

Susan Boyle on Britains Got Talent 2009!! Incredible Voice!! @ Yahoo! Video

Memories...

2009-04-15T02:22:00.000-04:00

My earliest memory is something that I wasn't even sure if it really happened or not until just a few days ago. I had this memory of being really sick, coughing like a dog and my mom taking me in the middle of night into the shower. She turned the water as hot as it would go and aimed it against the wall. We stayed dry and I breathed in the steam until I could breath a little better.

Oddly this came up over Sunday dinner with my mom. Turned out I had croup.

So today I went to a pediatrician's office to shadow a doctor. In a spare moment I read all about croup ... well, a one page handout for parents. Low and behold, three hours later a kid came in and was diagnosed with croup.

Weird how things work out like that. Even weirder that my first memory is me being sick. Weirdest is that until I was 24 and in medical school, I didn't even know if that memory was real.

I disagree with Missy Elliot .. I can stand the rain

2009-04-14T02:22:00.000-04:00

Normally the rain kind of makes me mad. I know we need it and it is essential, but it always gets in the way of what I want to do. Like ... not get rained on.

However, today is a rave and I will rave for the rain. Nothing is better than going for a run in the rain when it is warmish outside. Nothing is quite as nice as the smell of a spring morning right after the rain. Nothing is quite as soothing to fall asleep to as the sound of a steady rain.

I also like when the phrase "April showers brings May flowers" actually works in April. Makes me hopeful for May.

Wind ... go blow yourself

2009-04-13T02:22:00.000-04:00

You know what I am sick of right now ... wind. Honestly, unless it is generating power or pushing a ship it just makes me mad. Beautiful day outside. 60s, sun is beaming ... but there is mister wind to make it feel like it is 40. Go to hell wind.

You also make tennis and ultimate a lot less fun ... and other sports I don't play as much. So why don't you go away.

Don't even get me started on you when you decide to spin in a circle really fast. Hurricanes and tornadoes and tsunamis ... Go to hell.

What is love ....

2009-04-12T02:22:00.001-04:00

What is love ... and now I have that Haddaway song and "A Night at the Roxubury" in my head. Sorry.

Anyway.

What is love? Not familial love or friendly love... what is romantic love? How do you know when you are in love? People say that you "just know" when you meet the right person. Half of those people will get divorced. So maybe "just knowing" isn't enough.

I am not an expert on love. In fact, the opposite is probably true. I have thought I was in love twice in my life, but looking back on those times it seems clear I wasn't. One time I was in puppy love, not real love. The other time I took attraction and friendly love mixed together to be romantic love. They tended to agree and are now married to someone much more suitable than I ever would have been.

So while I have never truly been in love, I have been able to figure out certain traits I think are necessary for me to fall in love. These characteristics set up a kind of prototype, if you allow me to sound completely unemotional and robotic. To sound emotional, these traits all come from young women I know and are friends with. It doesn't mean I romantically love them or want to date them per se. Just that these are the traits I am most drawn to in women (evidently).

Physically ... nothing seems to matter that much. Hair color can be all across the spectrum, as long as it is a color you would find in nature. Same with eye color. Height, hair length, etc. doesn't seem to matter at all. The only physical trait that I really seem to care about is if they are healthy and that is tied mostly into something in their personality.

As I have realized, love is not tied to looks. Sure you need to be attracted to the person, but someone who is described as "pretty" and has all the personality traits you like is much more attractive than a Brazilian supermodel who has the personality of a toaster. And not a toaster-oven. Just a toaster.

Personality is the key and here is my checklist (in no particular order):

Athletic -- I am athletic and I think it says a lot about a person whether they do something sports related or not
Confident -- If you don't believe in yourself, it will be hard for me to believe in us
Intelligent -- This includes both common sense and "book smarts" ... ditzy isn't cute when it is a pattern
Independent -- No one likes it when people become a couple and no longer resemble themselves and/or cannot function without the other
Funny -- I like to laugh a lot so they better make me laugh or at least have a really good sense of humor. I also joke around a lot and it is more fun when someone gives you shit right back
Curious -- I like to try new foods, see weird films that I have never heard of, and explore places I have never been
Laid-back -- There are times when you need to be aware of things and proactive, but worrying and stressing over every little thing is not my style
Balanced -- I like when girls are equally comfortable in sweats and a t-shirt as they are in a dress. Too much of either is bad
Low Maintenance -- If we are going out to eat, it shouldn't take 45 minutes to get ready. It should take like 10. Taking 45 minutes to get ready (or more) on special occasions is perfectly fine, that is different
Thinks for self -- There are many issues that come down to personal opinion that we don't need to agree on ... but I want someone who has come to those opinions on their own, agreement or not

There may even be more things, who knows. Do I sound too picky? Does someone like this exist? Maybe I am shooting for the moon or my bar is too high. I don't think so though. That person is out there. I know it.

You Scare A What?

2009-04-11T02:22:00.000-04:00

The person of the week this week is Bernat Dechepare, aka Bernard Etxepare. Dechepare is the author of the first printed book in the Basque language. Others may have been printed at this time along with Dechepare, but his book is the only one that still remains.

The Linguæ Vasconum Primitiæ was published in 1545. The book is filled with various writings, some of which extol the Basque language and speak of the hope for the future of the Basque language. His desire is stated for the Basque language to go out and become famous.

While the language itself is famous today, it is more so for its history as a unique and ancient European language and not for how much it is spoken. While many indigenous languages are disappearing from use in today's global world, the Basque language (Euskara) is one of the few languages on the rise. This distinction is due in large part to the fact it was a banned language for much of the late 20th century and is closely tied to cultural identity.

Without Dechepare would the language have existed as it does today? He is recognized as the first person to write in the language meaning he can be considered the father of modern Euskara in terms of written language.

Ok now I am rambling ... I promise to write better when I am less tired. At least I gave you a cool person you never heard of before?

Bringing the heat...

2009-04-10T02:22:00.000-04:00

The results of my fun sleep study are in and they lead to more questions than answers:

Sleep stage dysfunction with absence of slow wave sleep
Further evaluation of patient for hypersomnia is warranted
Further evaluation of patient's daytime sleepiness is warranted

So basically, I don't go into slow wave sleep, which is also known as "deep sleep". The few things I have seen that increase slow wave sleep are alcohol, warmer temperatures, certain drugs, exercise (by increasing body temperature), and possibly potassium. However, I don't think any of those can create slow wave sleep where there is no slow wave sleep. So I am just in a waiting game until I see the sleep specialist in a week.

A type of hypersomnia is still in play ... possibly idiopathic, but at this point I have stopped trying to guess. Same thing with the daytime sleepiness, though that is possibly due to the lack of SWS. Maybe the hypersomnia is as well.

All I can do now is hope to get answers next week, try to learn something for the first time in a month at school, and remember that things could be a lot worse. I am not in a hospital and I am not dying. I thank my lucky stars for that. Things obviously could be better but it is wise not to complain when so many are less fortunate.

As for tonight? I exercised, jacked up my thermostat, and plan on getting wasted here in a few minutes. Okay, I am not going to get wasted, but I will crank the heat.

What to read while thinking of the next musical House patient

2009-04-09T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "With drugs, anything is possible." ~My physiology professor. Might be taken out of context just a touch, but so was his follow-up "Vodka is my drug of choice ... that and Diet Coke. With peppermint schnapps for kick."

LOW: Definitive Top 50 YouTube Videos. I'll argue definitive, but they are a good smattering of good things.

GOW: X-Stunt Bike. Actually pretty fun if you get the hang of control.

POW: Words cannot express how much this makes me smile:

VOW: Disney was (is) racist and it copies itself. Amazing...

Tip of the hat

2009-04-08T02:22:00.000-04:00

My baseball career ended not with a bang but with a whimper. I was always a decent hitter, batting .600 or so off machine pitch as a kid. My fielding was, if I say so myself, stupendous. I either played first base or they had me play shortstop or third since I could field and throw well.

As people began to specialize in sports I kept playing 8 at a time. I had a blast and everything was going well. Then spring came along.

I started the season, my second year at kid pitch, 0-26 from the plate with 20 strike outs. I took batting lessons. I became a contact hitter, just hoping to get on base. My value at the plate was slowly shrinking to "I hope he gets a walk".

In the field, my defensive abilities remained. That is, until I had to throw to first base. Chuck Knoblauch syndrome got the best of me. I sailed balls into the crowd multiple times. Coach didn't want me at first base because we had a player who could do a pretty decent job there, but couldn't run at all. He slid me to outfield.

Now this demotion was not really too much of a demotion. Kids could finally hit the ball out there a lot and the position was important. I could throw it to cut off men or directly to the bases when needed to, so I felt like a pretty good center fielder.

I also knew my career was quickly over.

In my last game our team was in the field, tied with one out and a runner on third. Some kid hit a ball to my left. I ran it down, dove and caught the ball. The runner tagged. As the winning run was about to score I threw a baseball for the last time I would ever throw a baseball in a real game.

I threw the ball over the backstop into the woods behind the field. Granted I did this on purpose, because ... why the hell not. It still signified my disgust for the sport. I could catch anything you wanted, run as fast as anyone, and had a cannon of an arm ... but I had no control when I needed to throw short distances and I couldn't hit for average or power.

With that last toss I threw the last of my summer dreams of snow cones and stirrups and Big League Chew over the fence of my childhood. As I wiped the black sunblock from under my eye and jogged into the dugout for the last time I took off my hat. I tipped it to the imaginary crowd of thousands in my head and nodded to my baseball heroes I grew up emulating.

Baseball was my childhood. My childhood was good.

Here'e looking at you kid

2009-04-07T02:22:00.000-04:00

I love one thing about baseball: the sweet swing of Ken Griffey, Jr.

Seeing him in a Mariners jersey and hitting an opening day home run this year will probably be the highlight of the 2009 MLB season for me. Thanks, kid.

Sorry for the short/lame posts recently. My brain is not conducive to concentration right now. Will improve forthwith.

Snail Fail Mail

2009-04-06T02:22:00.000-04:00

Checking the mail is probably one of the lamest things I do in my life. I walk down the stairs to a bunch of metal boxes, bend down to find my number on the last row, insert my key, and open that tiny door.

What do I find inside? Letters from my friends? No, those are e-mail. Really cool magazines? No, those are online.

In my snail mail box is always one of two things: ads and bills.

Neither make me happy. I hate checking the mail. And can someone tell the AARP that I am no where near ready for that membership?

NCAA bore

2009-04-05T02:22:00.000-04:00

I watched my first basketball of the year tonight. Not really impressed with any of the games. Maybe they just didn't play well, but it was kind of boring.

Except when the MSU guy dunked through a UConn player's arm.

Just hope the national title game is more entertaining and has some drama.

Quiet Revolution

2009-04-04T02:22:00.000-04:00

The person of the week this week is Dalia Zalida. When she was 8, she fought against a ceremony planned by her family. The ceremony was her circumcision.

Now 26, Zalida is helping spur what Time Magazine calls "a quiet revolution". She translated a comic book about Martin Luther King, Jr. to help promote civil disobedience. She organized a human rights film festival, the first in Cairo, and had to fight the authorities (and sail off onto the Nile) in order to show her film.

I'm too tired to really give this a good conclusion.

Can you feel the love/sexual misconduct tonight?

2009-04-03T02:22:00.000-04:00

The story:

Some Sports Blog
ESPN

Choice comments on the potential freshman and senior's roster bios that make me laugh with the sexual inappropriateness now read into them when imagined them written by the coach in question. And by choice comments I mean the italicized player descriptions above the bios of every freshman or senior on that year's roster:

Skilled attacker ... high soccer IQ ... natural athlete who has great passion for the game
Physical and agressive with a great deal of speed ... solid attacker who continually pressures opponents ... high work rate and extremely competitive
Skilled attacker ... forces opponents into making mistakes ... strong on the ball ... willing to take physical risks to win the ball
Mature and composed individual .... moves well ... her speed brings a great deal of versatility to the squad
Effective one-on-one defender ... smart posession player ... understands positioning on the back line ... transitions effectively
Smart, skillful player ... composed under pressure ... uses her technical ability to create dangerous scoring opportunities
Both a tough defender and a threat on the attack ... great natural athleticism and strength ... willing to take physical risks to win the ball
Highly competitive ... tremendous one-on-one defender ... demonstrates great instincts and anticipation
Understands how to protect the ball and control the play for her team ... great deal of technical savvy ... willing to be agressive and moves forward in the attacking zone
Strong leg on both kicks and punts ... works hard to organize her defenders (okay not this one so much)
A fearless competitor ... capable of dominating opponents physically ... great ability to win balls in the air ... possesses tremendous strength and athleticism ... strong on-field presence.
Moved to the back in the spring season ... tenacious defender ... dangerous attacker from the back row ... brings great passion for the game (I like to imagine this being the player who the coach slept with first before finding a new freshman)

I know, I know. Sexual conduct is no laughing matter. But seriously. Clearly, there was some sexual tension was in the air and on that roster.

To sleep, no more...

2009-04-02T02:22:00.001-04:00

QOW: "All men dream, but not equally. Those who dream by night in the dusty recesses of their minds, wake in the day to find that it was vanity: but the dreamers of the day are dangerous men, for they may act on their dreams with open eyes, to make them possible."
~Thomas E. Lawrence

LOW: Sea turtles are very smart. Link sent in by Patty O'Clark.

GOW: Bubble Cannon. Takes more strategy than you would think at first glance.

POW: North Dakota and surrounding areas are being flooded currently and this is why you build on the ground if you can:

(Picture from this site)

VOW: This is a three part series from Stella Artois that sees how American entertainment would have looked if they were 1960s French Films. The advertising is so subtle I missed it in one and they are really amazing. Here are all three.

8 Kilometre -- 8 Mile Parody replaces rap battle with poetry verse battle

Dial Hard -- Die Hard 3 parody featuring Jean Meqlain

24 Heurs -- 24 parody featuring Jacques Baudeur

When I wake up early in the morning lift my head, I'm still yawning. When I'm in the middle of a dream, stay in bed, float upstream

2009-04-01T02:22:00.001-04:00

So this one time I got hooked up with wires and monitors. These things measured my brains waves, heart activity, oxygen content, breathing, etc.

Since this is really comfortable, I then proceeded to lay down in a bed and try to fall asleep.

In case I was too comfortable, an intercom was placed in my room so someone could listen to me while I slept. Just in case I needed help. Help for what? Being creeped out I suppose.

In case I was still too comfortable they made sure to inform me they would video tape my sleeping the entire night. Who doesn't like being watched while they sleep? Oh right, most people.

Just to drive home the point as you nestle into your bed they talk to you over the intercom. They tell you too follow their instructions so they can make sure everything is working.

Close your eyes. Check
Open your eyes. Check
Look up ... look down ... to the left ... to the right. CheckCheckCheckCheck
Breathe in deep. Hold it. Now exhale. Check
Move your right leg ... now your left. Check
Now go to sleep and don't worry about us watching you. If anything is wrong just call out we will use the key we have to your room to come "help you". Just relax and sleep. Check?

Clearly it was an awkward experience. Good thing I didn't have to stick around and take 5 naps, 2 hours apart the next day in the exact same process.

Oh ... I did.

Needless to say that may have been the creepiest thing that has ever happened to me regarding my sleep. And I was once woken up when sleeping in a tent by a two drunk friends. That I had met three weeks before. That were having sex. That were not dating. That didn't speak to each other again once the trip was over two days later.

Yeah the sleep study was not nearly that creepy ... I'd like to check the tape to make sure though

Actions > Words

2009-03-31T02:22:00.000-04:00

Leading by example.

Government finds ways to waste a ridiculous amount of money each year. In economic times such as this it would have been a slap in the face to the American people for the Obama's to do anything other than what they are doing.

I don't blame the previous administrations for using the money, especially in times of prosperity. I would think (well, hope) any administration would do the same thing in times like these. To do so would seem to be political suicide.

I know it is a thimble full of water in an ocean, but its symbolic gesture is strong and I am happy this is being done. $74,000 for plates is a pretty big price tag for china in the previous administration, but I can only assume that was bought in the first months of the presidency (which probably should have been clarified). Also I am sure the china remains as part of some exhibit that somehow may raise money. Whatever, this is no frills and cut the fat times in America and it includes our President.

Master of the symbolic gesture and speech. Now come through on the policies.

Cheering for your team vs Having no sense of reality

2009-03-30T02:22:00.000-04:00

One thing that became abundantly clear since Friday is this: I hate poor winners and poor losers. This goes to the local college sports fans -- not all of them, just the ones craving attention-- here in the Commonwealth.

Holy cow your team is doing well, please inform everyone in a 1000 mile radius how awesome your team is doing. Then when they lose, instead of being happy for the great year they had please complain and yell at your rival's who have come out of the woodwork to laugh at your arrogant ass.

How cow your team is sucking mightily right now. Yell at the coach, AD, players, whoever. They need your discipline! Please list a bunch of people who don't ever want to coach at your school because of a fan base like you (and their teams are pretty good right now, thanks) that you think will be the next coach. If your rival is doing well, bide your time. Only one team wins a title. Once they lose laugh at them and remind them that not making the tournament and doing anything but winning it all is the same overall response.

Scholars and Gentlemen abound.

This doesn't just relate to this year. I can trace this back to grade school. It isn't just the Commonwealth. I can trace this to other places I have lived as well. Maybe if I had never moved from the state of my birth, I would be just as annoying. However, moving at a young age and being the only one cheering on my team meant one thing: no one cared what I thought. I learned to shut up and enjoy my team's season no matter how they ended up doing. Disappointed at time? Of course, but never angry. Happy at time? Of course, but never boastful.

That doesn't make me a "good fan" and others "bad fans". Those "bad fans" are the rabid fans that make up most of a fan base and revenue. They are necessary. I just prefer not to hear them when they are at their extremes.

People ask me all the time being in the Commonwealth: who do you like better the state or the city team. I answer: Whose fans are the least annoying right now? Usually I can decide ... not so sure today.

Time i$ money

2009-03-29T02:22:00.001-04:00

I found this article on what you carry in your wallet pretty interesting. Evidently, studies show that people are more likely to spend money that is broken up into smaller amounts. That is a horrible way to say, you are more likely to spend the $100 in your wallet if it is in the form of many small bills rather than a single $100 bill.

My common sense says this is right because whenever I have singles or fives in my wallet I seem to spend them more frivolously. Sure, I'll buy that little thing I don't want or need. I actually rarely spend a $100 if I have one because I feel embarrassed asking someone to break the large bill.

The way I keep spending down is to not carry cash at all. The things I use my debit/credit cards for are generally purchases I need to make: bills, meals, groceries, etc. If I constantly had cash on me, I would use it to buy stupid impulse purchases. Not that I cannot do that online...

Yoshi!

2009-03-28T02:22:00.001-04:00

Eri Yoshidi is a Japanese baseball player. Professional baseball player. Who is 17 and female.

Yoshidi pitches a side-arm knuckleball. You only throw a knuckle ball about 60 mph and when that pitch is on, it is baffling to try and hit. In her debut she walked a runner, allowed him to steal second base, and struck out the only other batter she faced. The stolen base makes sense, since she throws knuckleballs.

Basically to succeed she needs to keep perfecting the knuckleball, develop a good pickoff move to keep runners near the base, and develop some sort of pitch to keep hitters guessing. Most knuckleballers throw some sort of 80+ mph fastball just to throw off batters. If she can develop that, she will have a chance.

I would write more, but I am too tired to continue without making some sort of wording error that would somehow slip me into an argument about female vs male athletes. I probably just did anyway. Anyone who knows me knows the respect I have for female athletes and that will will be all I say.

Fuuuuuugggghhhh

2009-03-27T02:22:00.000-04:00

Two things pissed me off more than usual and I cannot wait until Monday to bitch about:

Cops are idiots and this one takes the cake.
http://sports.espn.go.com/nfl/news/story?id=4017382

Pat Summitt is a bitch. Honestly, your team didn't do well. Give them a week off and then get back to work. Your players probably hate you more now than ever. Thank goodness they couldn't go home after a long, long season.
http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4013336

Sleeping...

2009-03-26T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "A good laugh and a long sleep are the best cures in the doctor's book." ~Irish Proverb

LOW: Narcolepsy Facts. Enjoy.

GOW: Spinning Bubbles. Pretty fun and addicting.

POW:

VOW: The Rock Obama

Head to Veto Corleone for more hilarious political comedy.

Cruisin the streets

2009-03-25T02:22:00.000-04:00

One day in high school I was driving down the road. I was going the speed limit and the nearest car was a ways away from me. It was a little two lane road near a neighborhood, so no one was moving too fast.

All of a sudden I was really close to a stopped car. I have no idea what happened and I veered sharply to the right into some grass. Just happened to be the only ditch on the road. I jerked the car back to the left and miraculously ended up back on the road.

I was confused. I had no idea how I came upon the car so fast. My car was fine, save for grass stuck in my side window.

No other probelms though, but scary.

Walken in moonlight in the bright of day

2009-03-24T02:22:00.000-04:00

There are few entertainers like Christopher Walken. Powerful actors who are a threat for an Oscar when placed in the correct role who can also be funny as shit, even in the worst movies.

And the man can dance.

All I know is this: Christopher Walken is hysterical and I love him. He once said his name was stupid because it sounds like a sneeze. Christopher = sneeze.

He was serious.

Only thing close as good to Christopher Walken ... Walken impersonations. You can go to youtube and watch some you search for (or even better just Walken talking or reading "Goodnight Moon"), or you can go here. Order may be a bit off, but they are solid none the less.

I'll take some cheese with my whine

2009-03-23T02:22:00.001-04:00

The worst part of vacations is coming back from them. It is almost tortuous to return from somewhere warm to somewhere cold. From having all the free time in the world to deadlines and stress. From being able to nap like a cat to futile attempts at staying awake.

I know it is a lame thing to rant about because ... I was on vacation and I shouldn't complain. But trust me, it is much less self-absorbed and whiny as what I wrote and deleted before this. Consider yourself lucky (and a sliver of my dignity spared).

The king of mice

2009-03-22T02:22:00.000-04:00

The fittest of fit mice climbed to the top of the cabinets and declared "I am the master of all my life and all my domain! This kitchen and all of its contents now belong to me!"

He spied the cheese out of the corner of his eye. Eager to reap the benefits of his new view on life, he sauntered over and plucked the cheese off the floor.

Quietly, the portliest of portly mice you have ever seen lumbered from his hole. A twinkle in his eye he spotted the cheese laying upon the bare floor. He picked it up and scurried back to his hiding place.

The fittest of fit mice was now the deadest of dead mice. The mousetrap had sprung to work and the portliest of portly mice dined again, having smartly mastered the human device.

Oh hot damn...

2009-03-21T02:22:00.000-04:00

On one hand I respect Chris Macho and Chris D'Elia. On the other hand, their job is way too easy. That said, they did what I think everyone has thought about doing at some point in their life: They compile ridiculous rap lyrics and mercilessly mock them.

Their blog "Snacks and Shit" aka "No Room Service Just Snacks and Shit: And Other Ridiculous Rap Lyrics" is really, really funny. Not only are the lyrics hilarious, but the description/explanation of the ridiculousness are amazing.

Check them out ... daily. Damn I wish I had done this instead of just making my title's bad lyrics. FMyLife.

What happens in Vegas...

2009-03-20T02:22:00.000-04:00

Quick rundown of Vegas in quotes and memories:

Walking up the down escalator to watch a fight
"I think MC Escher designed our hotel"
"Dang, I think Michael Jackson worked all day"
$1 margaritas are horrible, worse than $1 warm sake
Soy sauce + water is better than $1 sake
Thicky thick girrrrrrrl
"It looks like a stapler remover"
"Why isn't the narcoleptic kid going to bed?"
Hand holding
Creed waiter: "how you cooking?"
Creed waiter night 2: "You can pee in two urinals at once"
"They're letting bald chicks in before us!"
"I'm only here for the ratio"
"No wonder they built (Hoover Dam) so fast, they used Dam Giants"
"This DJ is Pure awful"
"I know your style, surrender those drinks down here"
"Denver has been uppity since the 1960s"
2 hours with Alex at the tables without a bet, but getting two drinks anyway
"This is where you like it..."
"That is some serious man love"
"The real Eiffel Tower doesn't have a casino underneath it"
Acrobats at the Circus Circus
Pai Gow moron wants milk
3/3 roulette and run
$300 bets = popping the pink chip cherry
"Dude, where's the car?"
"Stop getting shit on"
"No no no I threw the purse across the casino ... then I spiked it. I can't even say it was legit with a straight face."
"Bitch, he said papa"
Cirque makes me feel less of a man, while at the same time very masculine
"Enjoy that green underwear sir!"
"I could eat like twenty crepes"
"I hate ging" .... "Dude, you're gonna die"
Bud Light Lime ... the official beer of St. Patty's Day
"I wanna drink Christmas!"
"You can't mix Christmas and St. Patrick's Day!"
"You see that water coming out of the rocks? What's up with that?"
"Family? Where is my family?"
We forgot Nelly's lyrics...
Catchphrase isn't the same without the actual game...
"High five for no STDs!"
"SELECTION SUNDAY!"
Dealer: "That is a ... a shitty hand sir" Me: "Bob you have a remarkable way with words"
"I am too sober to lose this much money .... BARTENDER!?!?"
"Quit using your plane fire karma over there"
"Bump that Fun O Meter"
"Surrender ... what are you, French?"
Dan the pit boss enjoy messing with people
$1000 dollar swings
Last night swings
"Well that was dumb ..."
"O'Shea's is a shitshow .... wanna check it out?"
Drunken sleep at the Bellagio means we will mock you with pictures before alerting help
"Which one are you going for?" "Her ... prospects are NOT good" (need the exact quote from Mak quote...)
"My name has R's damnit"
"How'd that taste" ... "Better than the sake"

Leavin, on a jet plane

2009-03-19T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: “Behold the turtle. He only makes progress when he sticks his neck out.” ~James Bryant Conant

LOW: "Army Robots: Will Humans Still Be in Contol?" ... we step ever closer to The Terminator.

GOW: The game is Funny Farm. It is a pretty cool concept puzzle where you figure out how words and terms are connected in straight-forward or abstract ways. Really fun brain picker.

POW: A picture that contrasts the gray of the land and beach with the vibrant colors of balloons reminds me of the vibrant hope the youth contain even in the dimmest of surroundings.

VOW: This makes me smile and I am not sure why really...

Wanna bet?

2009-03-18T02:22:00.000-04:00

Since I am in Vegas I want to explain the first time I fell in love with gambling. My mom’s birthday is either on Mother’s Day or a few days before/after the holiday. Living in the horse racing capital of the world, my family spent a few Mother’s Day at the horse track when I was little celebrating the double holiday.

The sheer majesty that is the horse track is overwhelming to a six-year old. The beautiful grounds that are still in their finest shape following the first Saturday in May are gorgeous. The blending of a hint of aristocracy with a pinch of working-class hope leave an mixture of grace and desperation that clings to every individual on the grounds.

More than anything else, when your parent’s give you two-dollars to make a bet and you pick out your horse and cheer them on to victory … the rush of excitement is enough to rival a Kansas basketball game. When your horse sputters to a disappointing finish, you feel betrayed and yet entirely alive.

These bets of $2 were always for a horse, generally a favorite, to show. My winning tickets blessed me with a hard earned dime or quarter. Though I didn’t understand why I merely won a dime and not the $2.10, I was ready to bet again and again and again.

Over the Mother’s Day events, my parents probably wasted some money on me and my sister. I doubt we won much with our bets, but we hardly could have bankrupted them at that rate either. What they did do for me was teach me valuable lessons about gambling.

I learned that playing it safe does little to help you win money in the long run. I learned that taking large risks rarely resulted in my winning anything. I learned how to play the game.

How you play the game is simple. You need to know what you are doing when you make a bet (any bet, not just horses). You need to know your possible odds and potential payouts. You need to take no big risks ever … until the payoff is actually worth the risk.

For example, if you play blackjack by the book on hitting and staying but never double or split cards (which isn’t by the book), you will lose money in the long run. However, if you take your shots by going big on good double and split chances … you can actually come out on top most of the time. Sure the cards don’t always fall your way and you can lose, but if you don’t take those chances you can never really win.

That is what I learned. What I taught myself is this: Never bet what you cannot afford to lose, no matter how sure you are and once you get up some, bank some of your stack and make it untouchable. Don’t ride the rollercoaster.

Walking down' the strip..

2009-03-17T02:22:00.000-04:00

Las Vegas is amazing and everyone should experience it once. Some cities and businesses should learn from some of the things they do for their clients. Let me rip through a few things I think every city should look into:

1) No open container laws.

Most places you can get arrested walking down the street with an open beer. Vegas obviously wants you to drink so you make dumb bets so it obviously cares not if you drink on the streets. You can order a drink from any casino and walk out onto the strip and into another casino with that drink. If you had been gambling, that drink was probably free.

Why it makes sense outside of Vegas as well: what is the crime in drinking out on the streets? It looks trashy? As long as people are not drinking and driving or have open containers in vehicles, what is the crime? Any city that has a stretch of bars or entertainment areas would benefit from allowing drinks on the streets. Just use (recyclable) plastic cups to be allowed out of the bars and call it a day. Then crack down harder on preventing drunk drivers and leave people with a beer on the sidewalk alone.

2) Free drinks if you are entertaining yourself at the establishment.

If you gamble, you get free drinks. Bottled waters, cokes, juices, or, especially, alcohol. This makes sense for the casinos for obvious reasons. It is the standard protocol here, so if a casino did not give free drinks then no one would go there. You are supposed to tip each time you get a drink … about a buck (which is still cheaper than the drink) but if you forget or choose not to that time … no one hassles you.

Why is makes sense outside of Vegas as well: It obviously depends on the city and the type of establishment. It only works well in areas that really utilize public transportation, taxis, or walking. The establishment has to have some form of entertainment that is the main draw so people do not just go for the booze. Casinos are the best place for this and other gambling sites should pick up on this idea: Churchill Downs could give a voucher for one free drink per 10 dollars bet for example.

Other business that might want to use this are… ok so it only really makes sense in places where you can continually spend money on the entertainment while you are there. Strip Clubs would be asking for trouble doing this, so they are out. Regardless, I like free things.

Ok so I basically would like free drinks wherever I go and think it is dumb that you cannot hold an open beer on a sidewalk. Vegas does do a good job balancing free perks and making a large profit and more industries should look into copying their model in whichever way best suits their industry. You don’t end up enticing more customers by taking away things that were once standard and charging them for that in a down economy (US Airways, I am looking at you and your $15 luggage fee). You figure out a way to entice people to use your business over another business through a perk other companies do not have (until it becomes standard). It is called competing. Competition breeds ingenuity and better service. We deserve that at least.

More like dumb phone

2009-03-16T02:22:00.000-04:00

So about a month and a half ago I finally upgraded to a smart phone. I need one for school in 18 months and figured I would go ahead and get used to using one until then. My old plan was already month to month and my old phone was pushing three years old (it started to break down a day after I ordered my new phone).

To top it off the plan I would be getting cost the same per month for the same amount of minutes, but gave me unlimited text and data. It was a win win win situation.

Then my phone got lost in the mail. Then they charged me for the lost phone and the one I finally received. Then they credited me money. Then they tried to charge me for two monthly plans since they thought I had two phones still. Finally when that all got straightened out my phone’s screen stopped working.

The phone hasn’t been dropped. It hasn’t had anything spilled on it delicate features. It is also ten days past the warranty. I did not buy insurance because …. I was never offered insurance. Joy of joys.

So I sit here in Vegas, unhappy, with a phone that may as well be Zach Morris’s. I can receive calls if I hear/feel them but I have no clue who is calling. I can call out if I am careful and know the person’s number I want to call.

Needless to say, I am a little angry. Next steps are to figure out if I was actually offered insurance (I really don’t think I was) and complain if I was not. If that fails I will just bitch and moan in general for the fact my phone just stopped working for no reason immediately after the warranty ended. If that doesn’t work … I will have to buy a new phone … with insurance.

You will probably see this topic on a Monday or Tuesday in the future. I hope a Tuesday. I will keep the name of the phone and the company quiet until I find out more. Maybe they will step up to the plate for me.

Bright lights and fast cars

2009-03-15T02:22:00.000-04:00

Sorry for the delay, broken phone and having to pay for internet delayed...

So here I am, day 2 in Vegas and a few things have already become quite obvious.

1) This is an Evangelical nightmare of a city.

The gambling issue is obvious. The alcohol is free if you are gambling, so that is a no brainer. Recent immigrants hand out “playing cards” on the side of the road with nude women on them and a phone number that promises to bring them to your door in twenty minutes. Clearly nothing shady there.

That said, I have only seen one person preaching on the streets, though he was mostly ignored. Usually I really dislike those type of shows of religiousness. In Las Vegas, I can at least understand why he felt compelled to preach.

2) Las Vegas doesn’t give a shit about the environment.

Hey Las Vegas, you are in a desert. Giant fountains and pools obviously add to the aesthetics of the city/your specific hotel. However, how much water are you wasting just due to evaporation every day?

The city streets are cleaner than you might expect … if you expected landfills in each gutter. Nothing quite wakes you up like sewage looking water on the edge of a sidewalk filled with playing cards of naked women.

Vegas loves electricity. Everything is bright and glowing with plenty of bells and whistles. My electric bill almost made me cringe in December and I make a conscious effort to turn off lights, keep the temperature low in the winter, and unplug unused appliances. I cannot imagine the figures on these electric bills. Thank heavens for Hoover Dam.

3) Vegas is an amazing cross-section of America.

The city if filled with tourists from all over. You can see one of the most attractive people you have ever seen and right behind them you see one of the least attractive people you have ever seen. All sizes, shapes, and colors are represented. It makes for wonderful people watching if you enjoy diversity. It makes for horrendous people watching at times if you worry about our future as a people.

Happy Pi Day Nerds!

2009-03-14T02:22:00.001-04:00

This weeks person of the week is Ralph Wilson. Owner of the Buffalo Bills, he made the decision to sign Terrell Owens recently. Terrell Owens is a future Hall of Fame receiver with a Pop Warner Football maturity level.

While I seriously think this was a great signing by the Bills ... it is a one year deal and if T.O. messes up chemistry in one year no one will probably ever sign him again so it will probably be a good year ... I really named Mr. Wilson the person of the week so I could display this:

Watch Hitler Learns About Terrell Owens and more funny videos on CollegeHumor

Viva Las Vegas

2009-03-13T02:22:00.000-04:00

I head to Vegas today for my first ever trip. I am planning on having the normal posts going on, so there is that.

Top 5 things I want to see in Vegas:

Dealer busting while I play blackjack (as much as possible)
Some 1980s celebrity who still thinks they are important
A hooker and her John being arrested while a pimp either subtly pimp walks away or screams at the cops
Someone puke green on St. Patty's Day
My bank account increased at the end of the trip

Top 5 things I do not want to see in Vegas

Pacman Jones making it rain
Myself on the strip at night ... alone
Dealer balckjacks
Mike Tyson or Kimbo Slice
Bookie or Casino head breaking kneecaps

Take your time. Hurry up. The choice is yours. Dont be late.

2009-03-12T02:22:00.000-04:00

QOW: "Wanting to be someone else is a waste of the person you are." ~Kurt Cobain. Granted he did kill himself.

LOW:The aging of the NBA's prodigies. I started to get upset about things I could pop holes into this theory and then the author talked about them. Really interesting idea.

GOW: I learned I should never be a Tattoo Artist. Are yo better?

POW: More people should celebrate this holiday. See more from my source at Time.
VOW: Verizon is really ... really dumb.

Watch Verizon Operator Gets Math Lesson on CollegeHumor

We don't need no water....

2009-03-11T02:22:00.001-04:00

So there I sat. Going over the order and procedures of a clinical exam I was to be tested on the next afternoon. I was nearly ready to go home when a sudden noise caught my ear.

Sirens blared. A mechanical voice informed me there was an emergency and I was to evacuate the building.

The normal human response: okay I will calmy evacuate the building immediately.
My response: finish up what I needed to finish, throw away my trash, log off the computer, take my books back to my desk thus taking me further from the exit, walking toward the exit, remembering I had a video camera on my phone, turning around and filming the proceedings and the cool effect of the lights flashing in a dark room, then exited the building while still filming.

From the moment I heard the alarm to the moment I exited the building: 7.5 minutes.

I personally blame fire drills in grade school, high school, and college. They worked too well. Their goal: to keep everyone calm, get everyone safely out of the building, and get everyone to an area where they can be accounted for. What they did: made me believe every single fire alarm is fake. Even at 1:08 AM in a building that is part of a research complex.

Despite the very real possibility there was an emergency, I never believed there actually was a reason to evacuate. I acknowledged it was more likely in this scenario than in any other fire alarm I had heard, but sat at the computer copying clinical exam steps.

A little bit ago this similarly happened in the middle of class. We were told to use the nearest exit to evacuate the building. 100% of the class walked passed the nearest stairs. Why? It was cold and we wanted our jackets, gloves, and hats. We also chatted and joked about the lack of urgency in everyone. Then we stood outside, all bundled up, and complained we were going to have to make up that class later.

I don't know what would make me believe there actually was a fire in a building I was occupying. Smelling smoke would make me think someone burnt popcorn for the 80th time. Hearing people say fire would make me think they were not very good at making appropriate jokes. Everyone running away from a location would make me think "I really need to see what is causing all of those people to run away." Even seeing fire would not worry me if it was small enough.

Basically I need one of two things: seeing a large, uncontainable fire or (and I steal this from Dave Attell) if I see a naked man sprinting away from something with his member just flopping about. He obviously is scared out of his mind. I will run and ask questions later. Questions such as: Where are your clothes? You look cold, are you cold? and What the hell are we running from?

Chrotling the day away

2009-03-10T02:22:00.000-04:00

I feel like I fell of the wagon today. I love Crack .. ed... .com. Cracked.com. I used to go to that website and laugh and laugh and laugh. I avoid it like the plague now because it is so damn addicting.

Yesterday I stumbled upon a link to one of their many hilarious lists. I can no longer live without reading 1 or 80 every hour or two.

Some lists are interesting, some are funny, some are mean, and most are wildly inappropriate at some point. All are funny.

Some make me choke on rice and shoot water out of my nose.

Go. Enjoy. You've been warned.

A quick favorite today: a diagram of the thought processes of famous people turned up this gem.

Work Work Work. Busy Busy Busy. Busy Work.

2009-03-09T02:22:00.000-04:00

Most people loved when they had a subsitutue teacher in school. Sometimes it meant a movie. Sometimes it meant easy worksheets. Sometimes it meant getting "Ms. Piggy" the twenty-two year old sub who thought she was cool and hot, but was quite the opposite, who always said "You remind me so much of my on-again/off-again boyfriend". Gross.

However, everytime you had a sub you were guarenteed some sort of busy work. This is why I hated having subs. If I am going to have to spend time doing work at least let it benefit me in some way. Filling out a worksheet for 45 minutes that will get a "check" and then tossed in the trash (unless you are my friend KAB who got "check +" all the time somehow).

Busy work sucks. You know it is a waste of time. Your teacher knows it is a waste of time. Yet ... there you are not learning. If the project doesn't teach anything or takes 5 times as long to teach a point than is necessary you should not have that assignment.

Busy work was created in Kindergarten to keep kids from rampaging in between snack and nap times. It continued all through grade school because teachers aren't always good. In high school it was usually left for subs to hand out or at the end of quarters when there was nothing to do. College even had busy work at times. I thought it was over ... but it isn't. Busy work still exists in my life. I think right now Barack Obama somehow is doing some busy work in order to do his job. Maybe that is why Bush never got to anything important ... couldn't fill out that ditto fast enough.

The Case of a Blind Church

2009-03-08T14:22:00.000-04:00

I read one of the most heart-breaking news stories in my life yesterday. It's news headline is "Nine-Year Old's Abortion Outrages Brazil's Catholic Church". I won't summarize the article because you should read this yourself, but to sum up the article in 5 words: child, stepfather, rape, legal, excommunication.

To sum up in one long sentence: a nine-year old girl was raped and impregnated by her stepfather and had a legal abortion under Brazilian law since she fit both of the only two circumstances that allow abortion, rape and risk to mother's life, and was promptly excommunicated by the Catholic Church along with her family and doctors which has pissed off a lot of Brazilians.

I would love to hear other opinions on this case and will give mine below.

I am personally pro-choice on the matter of abortion. Partly it is because I am a man and feel I have no right to tell a woman what to do with her body. Partly because even when abortions are illegal they still occur, just the risk of death and infection to the mother is higher.

On the idea of destruction of life in abortion I like to tread lightly. I personally don't know exactly when life begins. Many people believe it is at the moment the 23 chromosomes of the father mix with the 23 chromosomes of the mother thus creating a new mixture of 46 chromosomes. I can understand that view. Others say life begins when the fetus is able to survive outside of the womb on its own. I can understand that as well. Others say other things and I won't blanket those with an understanding or not.

I personally tend to believe life exists closer to when a fetus is viable outside of the womb. I say closer because I think you can determine earlier if the fetus will or will not become viable in a womb if given the chance to grow. When can you make that determination? I have no flipping clue. I do know that many women have been pregnant before and never known because even after the chromosomes have mixed there is a major error and the pregnancy is terminated in the body while still at the level of a few cells (it can happen much later for many other reasons, but then it is usually obvious the mother had been pregnant). That said I do not and will not ever tell anyone they are wrong for believing life begins at the 46 chromosome moment. I feel it just depends on how you look at it and I can see both arguments being valid.

So the Catholic Church takes the 46 chromosome view and, evidently, does not care about any other circumstance. They claim the girl could have had a C-section and thus not been put at risk for death due to her tiny hips. My big disappointment in the Catholic Church here is that it didn't seem to look at any other circumstances in the story. Namely the fact this was a nine-year old who was raped by her stepfather.

I know people will say that the child had every right to live, or be given a chance. However, how much more emotional and physical stress does a nine-year old girl need to endure?

She was raped, which may be the worst thing I can imagine happening to someone.
Her stepfather was the one who raped her. Someone in her family who she relied on for her protection and safety did one of the most horrible crimes to her.
She was pregnant. The fact a nine-year old can be pregnant is hard enough to wrap my mind around. Add in the fact she never chose to have sex and that is immensely unfair.

The continuation of her pregnancy would have been amazingly cruel. She would have had to deal with the physical complications of carrying a child. These are hard enough on a full-grown woman, let alone a recently raped nine-year old. This child would have been a constant reminder of her raping. A natural labor probably would have killed her due to her undeveloped body and small hips. A C-section is fairly routine procedure, but not 100% safe especially when done on a nine-year old. Then at that point does she raise the child or go through the emotional decision of giving her child up for adoption?

I never even factored in the ability of the child to thrive in the room available for it in a nine-year old.

So she and her mother decide to have an abortion. Now she gets the added the stress of being kicked out of her religious community. That always helps things.

Is abortion a sin? Many people feel very strongly on this issue. I think it depends on your point of view regarding when life begins. I would like to know opinions not based on the fact of abortion being a sin or not. I would like to know people's opinion on the role of the Catholic Church in this case.

I firmly believe that regardless of how you feel about abortion and this case we all can agree on one fact: this nine-year old girl needs as much love and support as possible right now.

She has to recover from being a rape victim. She has to recover from having an abortion and any thoughts she may have down the line of giving up a child. She has to recover even more from her rape and the fact it was perpetrated by a family member. On top of all this she has been kicked out of her Church.

So what the hell were you thinking Catholic Church? That by excommunicating this girl, her mother, and her doctors you were sending a great message? What happened to the actual teachings of Jesus? He was a man who went to sinners with open arms and allowed them to get themselves back on the right path. He didn't just kick them to the curb for their transgressions.

If the Catholic Church was going to do anything in this case it should have been there to support and love this child after the abortion decision was made. If it wanted to send an anti-abortion message than it could have done that by putting out an edict or declaration about the evils of abortion and directed it towards the doctors, but kicking all involved out of the Church just seems callous and against what religion should be.

Personally, I see nothing wrong with the abortion in this case. It was legal since Brazilian law only allows abortions in cases of rape or risking the mother's health, which this case had both. I applaud the Brazilians for being outraged at the Church's apparent lack of humanity or compassion for this young girl. I don't argue against the Church's stance on the issue since it is based on a belief about life, but the consequences they served in this case actually go more against the spirit of Jesus than the abortion itself. Feel free to disagree on that statement, but I stand by it.

To bare thy soul is to pait a masterpiece

2009-03-07T02:22:00.003-05:00

The person of the week this week is René Magritte. My favorite art form is surrealism. I say that not because I can define surrealism, tell you many artists who choose that style, or anything of the sort. I say that because my favorite painter is Salvador Dalí and my second favorite is René Magritte.

Magritte is an artist I honestly did not know their name too long ago. However, when I clicked on his gallery, it contained a number of paintings I had seen before and liked. And I don't know many paintings. Needless to say, I like him a lot.

Magritte has a sense of humor in his paintings that is clear to anyone. They aren't comic, but they give the sensation of a wry smile. A subtle chuckle that doesn't distract you from the painting, but rather adds another layer on the depth of thought that his artwork provokes.

As a bonus here are my top 5 painters:

1. Salvador Dalí
2. René Magritte
3. Pablo Picasso
4. Claude Monet
5. Max Ernst

Further bonus, my 5 favorite paintings of all-time:

1. Guernica by Pablo Picasso
2. The Starry Night by Vincent Van Gogh
3. Raphaelesque Head Exploding by Salvador Dalí
4. Le Bain de Cristal by René Magritte
5. A Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte by Georges-Pierre Seurat

i love you much(most beautiful darling) more than anyone on the earth and i like you better than everything in the sky

2009-03-06T02:22:00.001-05:00

The more I learn the more I realize how little I know. The more we learn as a species the more we realize how little we know.

We have been told that there are only two guarantees in life: death and taxes. Of course that saying was developed after the concept of taxes and has never been heard by certain tribes of the world who have never been contacted by "civilization". Lucky them.

Are we all guaranteed death? What is death? What if your soul lives forever? What if you are in a constant cycle of rebirth?

Are death and taxes truly guarantees in your life?

What do we actually know? We can argue for or against God/god(s) but will we ever know for sure? You can be certain, but not truly know. What do you claim to know?

I don't know what love is, but I know how I feel around someone I love.
I don't know what funny is, but I know how much I love to laugh.
I don't know what beauty is, but I know when I have experienced it.
I don't know much about anything in this world, but I know what my heart tells me.

My mind questions daily. Always looking for answers. Every answer leads to more questions.

My heart questions nothing. It accepts everything it receives. Every gift is its own answer.

When we speak from the heart, we don't speak from the heart. We edit and orchestrate meaning from what he have felt. Our mind still questioning, protecting, and hedging. To truly speak from the heart you must act on impulse, without thought and with total lack of abandon.

This language of the heart has slowly been drained from our culture.

And then we ask where our passion went.
And then we ask what happened to romance.
And then we ask why we struggle so much to love.

Stupid mind.

The heart has only asked one question in its life: hey mind, when is it my turn again?

Last week, thought I saw you on the street, turns out it was a bag of trash. Just a big ol' bag of trash... I thought you looked like a bag of trash.

2009-03-05T02:22:00.001-05:00

QOW: "There is always something to do. There are hungry people to feed, naked people to clothe, sick people to comfort and make well. And while I don't expect you to save the world I do think it's not asking too much for you to love those with whom you sleep, share the happiness of those whom you call friend, engage those among you who are visionary and remove from your live those who offer you depression, despair and disrespect." ~Nikki Giovanni

LOW: Top 10: Widely Believed Myths. Not as cool as I wanted it to be, but it was still interesting.

GOW: Popopop. I actually played this one this time. It was pretty fun and not super addicting so you can put it down when you are finished playing. Good times.

POW: This is a painting by Joseph Pearce. A painting is a picture ... lay off. It is gorgeous.
VOW: I have 3 for you ... one if you like The Office, one if you are confused/fascinated by Joaquin Phoenix, and one if you love Fresh Prince...

Watch Ryan Started The Fire on CollegeHumor

Watch Joaquin Phoenix

Watch The Folk Prince of Bel-Air and more funny videos on CollegeHumor