Every morning there's a halo hangin from the corner of my girlfriend's four post bed

In honor of South Florida getting hit by a hurricane, I want to talk to you about a very special issue close to my heart. Jai alai. Allow me to connect four ... or the dots... for you.



Jai alai is a sport that can best be described as "awesome" and worst described as "rigged and awesome". It was developed by the Basque (don't fuck with us) and carries the distinction of the fastest ball in sports (that's what she said). Well the tv show Sports Science claims to have clocked a golf ball faster ... but they tested it with glass and not a radar gun ... so fuck em.

Side note that is actually related. While the rest of the world was trying to play sports with balls of yarn, the Basque developed the first rubbers ball for jai alai. Take that Francisco Franco.

Basically, jai alai uses an arena that is rectangular, but open on one of the long sides. The other sides have walls that are in play. The object is to catch and throw the ball in a basket type thingamajig (I refuse to use wikipedia today) in one motion against the far wall. You alternate individuals between each shot (in singles or doubles). When you mess up, you lose and have to sit out. The next team (or player in singles) comes on to challenge the winner. First to ... oh say 9 (maybe 7?) wins the game.

The sport itself is faster than the recently skinny chick with low self-esteem at your local high school or college. You know the one. Lots of piercings. Wears black a lot. Realllly wants to be liked, but doesn't know how to fit in. Well, the one thing she knows boys like is the one thing she will do at the toss of a jai alai ball. That is why, unlike that girl after she had 5 STDs and cries herself to sleep every night in a different bed, jai alai is awesome.

Why is it said to be rigged? Because you bet on it like horse racing. Win. Place. Show. Exacta. You name it. And they can hear you. Kind of fun to watch the drunks harass the athletes when they lose. It is shady when on one play a guy jumps up against a wall, catches the pelota and launches a strike against the wall and the next point he duffs an easy throw in the middle of the court. Rigged? Maybe. Awesome? Definitely.

The only place in America jai alai is played is Flordia ... most notably Miami (note: I think). It used to be all over the country (or at least in more places) in the 1970s but has since, unlike XM radio, has waned in popularity. But in Miami they still play. I have seen it. It was amazing. I even won a dollar. A whole damn dollar!

Wow .. that was a long ramble. Conclusion: JAI ALAI IS AWESOME AND THE BASQUE ARE BETTER THAN YOU.