Patty cake patty cake microwave these suckas make a square, god damn I'm paid

Quite possibly the best thing in the world, besides sleep or water, is a massage. Sure, it doesn't hurt that I like pain a little more than the average person, but if I could afford a good massage every day of my life ... I would get one. I got one yesterday and it was amazing. Let us examine all the ways that massages are amazing:

1) Human contact: At its most basic level, it feels good to have someone's hands rub over your skin. It feels even better when they know what they are doing in order to...

2): Relieve stress: Your body holds in tension caused by stress causing tightness. I tend to hold mine in my shoulders. Damn it feels good to (be a gangsta) have that stress massaged out of your body. Nothing is quite as relaxing as being told to lay down for an hour and just let someone work your stress out while you listen to soothing music.

3) The pain: Sometimes it's a dull ache other times it is sharp. Sometimes you can feel it spread all the way down a nerve. Yesterday she worked on my back and I could feel the pain in my toe... it was breathtaking.

4) Your body feels great: As long as you flush the toxins out of your system by drinking water, your body feels amazing afterwards. Aches you did not even realize you had disappear. I always feel like I can wrestle a bear after a massage... and I'm a very weak man.

I could probably go on and on, but this is enough. Writing why massages are awesome is the equivalent of writing why Hitler was evil or why the Olive Garden sucks. It is just a universal truth. In conclusion, massages are just like sleeping. As soon as you are done you want to do it again.