You a rookie, I'm a vet, you the captain, I'm the crunch

To whom it may concern (and right now it concerns the Lincoln Town Car driving in front of me):

I am not sure if you are aware of this, but city officials post a speed limit on all roads. This is a speed deemed safe for the road, though conditions such as heavy traffic or rain or snow could make driving even at that speed dangerous. Unfortunately for you, none of those conditions are present. When it is a beautiful day like it is today, most people will drive over the speed limit. Generally, up to ten over is safe. However, you have decided to drive ten under the speed limit. I am wondering why.

I am wondering lots of things as I remind myself it is unsafe to pass you right now. First, I am wondering if you are mentally deficient. Secondly, I am wondering if you will beg for your life when I end it. Seriously. Drive the speed limit. It is not that hard. You just take your foot, put it on the accelerator, and ... push.

You aren't being safe. Actually, your slow ass is a hazard to the rest of the known world. You're also the person that refuses to pass a bicycle without completely exiting your own lane. You should probably have your driver's license, and right to breed, permanently revoked.

I will be honest. If you were doing the exact speed limit I would be frustrated you weren't going 5-10 over. But at least I would understand. I would calm down and enjoy the speed limit. When you go 5-10 under the speed limit, however, my blood rushes away from my optic center and into my fist, thereby allowing me to black out in rage and beat a dent into the side of your boat on wheels. Do us all a favor and use public transportation. Or die. It is your choice slow drivers of the world.