"El Segundo," he said, "my name is Pedro If you need directions, I'll tell you pronto"

For spring break my junior year my mom and I went to San Diego to visit my uncle. Basically, it I was really really cool in high school. At least I think it was spring break because it is the only time of the spring that going on any trip would make sense. Regardless, we were in sunny San Diego and the only day we went to the beach it was fifty degrees and windy and we got wind burn.

If that was my story it would be really lame. It will still be kinda lame, just not THAT lame. One day my uncle and I decided to go to Tijuana. I had never been to Mexico ... and well, Tijuana is technically Mexico. Just like some random border town in America is really America. Just some dirty town that you don't want to be stuck in when nighttime falls. Why do I say this? Well ... it was kind of ridiculous during the day.

So my uncle and I are walking around being heckled by salesmen on the streets. Restaurant owners enticing us to dine at their place by offering free drinks. Being 17 and already having ate, we passed.

We then walked by a pharmacy .. which is a nice place if you need prescriptions without a prescription .. and were offered free Viagra samples. We then passed a man selling various pipes and were offered a sample of tobacco for the pipe. When we passed we were offered marijuana samples.

What the hell is it with Tijuanans (Tijuanites? Tijuanians?) and samples? They didn't stop there. A man later offered us a sample of cocaine. Sure buddy, try some now, get hooked and die later after giving you every dime I can get a hold of for one last fix.

Walking around we saw a donkey. It was dressed festively .. well, cheaply and "Mexicany" .. and being used as a prop for tourists to take pictures. However, he was in more of a disguise than a fancy hat. The donkey was painted to look like a zebra. Yes, a zebra. Black and white stripes. On the fanciest of burros I have ever seen. Needless to say, we were smitten. My uncle quickly dropped however much money was needed to get me on the donbra (zekey?). I reluctantly donned my sombrero, which said Tequila, and posed for my valiant picture.

We laughed at the picture as we walked around. Suddenly a man popped out of a doorway. He whispered at us. We turned. He was offering some sort of sample. You know, standard Tijuana business practices. We began to be curious as to what he could possibly be offering us as samples that made him so secretive when we had been offered samples of hard drugs fairly openly not too long before. "You like women?" he asked quite disgusting/seductively. That is right. Come sample our women.

We laughed and walked away. We walked straight back to the border. Through customs and back home. The only thing we took back with us were stories and a picture of me on a donkey. I have no idea if he wanted to let us watch a stripper or a sex show or if he was offering some sort of prostitution. All I know is that whatever he was giving away was not going to be good.

Fast forward to that summer. We had to have our senior photos taken. I go and don my white tux for the yearbook photo that we have to take. Well, I put on the coat and fake bow time and shirt there for the picture. Then they give you two free "poses" for your senior photo ... obviously hoping someone that wouldn't sign up on their own would take pictures because they were free and their mom would order a bushel full. This would be where I fit in to the scheme.

Needless to say I took some horrendously awkward photos (what senior photos don't look ridiculous and absolutely uncomfortable and forced?). My mom ordered some, but not many because I refused to allow her to order more than some for her and immediate family. However, I needed something to give to people that asked for photos. That is when I remembered the Donbra (Zonkey? I like Zonkey since it IS mostly Donkey). I took that bad boy to Walgreens and used their scanner to add my last name and the year of graduation and made a number of copies. Voila ... instant awesome senior photo.

So while you look back on your senior photo and either think "what the hell was I thinking?" or "I don't remember what that even looks like", I can proudly say my photo made me laugh in a "I'm in on the joke" way and not the "holy crap that guy is awkward" way. So if anyone is a current high schooler reading this ... you + Zonkey = senior photo.