Can you feel the love/sexual misconduct tonight?

The story:

• Some Sports Blog
  
• ESPN
  

Choice comments on the potential freshman and senior's roster bios that make me laugh with the sexual inappropriateness now read into them when imagined them written by the coach in question. And by choice comments I mean the italicized player descriptions above the bios of every freshman or senior on that year's roster:

• Skilled attacker ... high soccer IQ ... natural athlete who has great passion for the game
• Physical and agressive with a great deal of speed ... solid attacker who continually pressures opponents ... high work rate and extremely competitive
• Skilled attacker ... forces opponents into making mistakes ... strong on the ball ... willing to take physical risks to win the ball
• Mature and composed individual .... moves well ... her speed brings a great deal of versatility to the squad
• Effective one-on-one defender ... smart posession player ... understands positioning on the back line ... transitions effectively
• Smart, skillful player ... composed under pressure ... uses her technical ability to create dangerous scoring opportunities
• Both a tough defender and a threat on the attack ... great natural athleticism and strength ... willing to take physical risks to win the ball
• Highly competitive ... tremendous one-on-one defender ... demonstrates great instincts and anticipation
• Understands how to protect the ball and control the play for her team ... great deal of technical savvy ... willing to be agressive and moves forward in the attacking zone
• Strong leg on both kicks and punts ... works hard to organize her defenders (okay not this one so much)
• A fearless competitor ... capable of dominating opponents physically ... great ability to win balls in the air ... possesses tremendous strength and athleticism ... strong on-field presence.
• Moved to the back in the spring season ... tenacious defender ... dangerous attacker from the back row ... brings great passion for the game (I like to imagine this being the player who the coach slept with first before finding a new freshman)

I know, I know. Sexual conduct is no laughing matter. But seriously. Clearly, there was some sexual tension was in the air and on that roster.