Warning: Extreme Content

At least, according to King's Island...

Summer is a time for vacations. To enjoy the warmth of the sun and length of the days. Pools are crowded, city parks are filled, and the lines at amusement parks stretch to the extremes of their designed line holding capabilities (or queues for you British). For most people, at the end of those lines you get rewarded with a thrilling ride, or a lame ride ... some ride for which you decided to wait in line. However, that is not always the case.

A few summers ago, friends and I embarked on a journey to Cincinnati, Ohio ... the Nasty Nati ... to enjoy the amusements of Paramount's Kings Island. We headed towards the famous wooden roller coaster, "The Beast", only to find it was closed due to repairs for the morning. We shook it off and decided to ride Top Gun. Top Gun sucked .. immensely. We then came to a newer ride that looked awesome called Delirium.

Someone at the front of the line was measuring heights. This is fairly common, you cannot have people too small for the safety restraints in the rides. They would fall out and die. I did not take a second notice, until they measured a decently tall adult right in front of me. "What the hell?" I thought.

"How tall are you sir?" the acne faced teenager manning the ride asked in a tone that dripped with apathy and angst.

"6'5" I replied moving along.

"You can't ride ... let me measure you," he snorted with a grin.

All of a sudden this kid had purpose. I tried to tell him I was 6'5" with shoes, not barefoot (a lie, I'm 6'6" with shoes). I tried to hunch down, bend my knees, shrink an inch while being measured; to no luck what so ever. Corrupted, but sadly not blind, with power, the young defender of truth and Delirium refused to let me on the ride. He pointed to a sign as his rule book. It barred people of "extreme body proportions" from riding the ride.

Evidently I should have been eating Doritos and swiggin down some Mountain Dew. I was just too extreme to ride. So while my friends rode the amazing Delirium ride I, with a friend who declined to ride but was not extreme enough to be banned, sat in the stationary seats that kids sit in to make sure they fit. We yelled and woo-ed while our friends did and waved our arms around. The look of sheer panic and horror on the parents faces as they passed was almost worth it. It was ... extreme.

I tried to sneak back in later, but a different acne faced dude busted me. I still want to ride that ride.

Note: Delirium is still awesome and bars people over 76 inches tall.