The Bungle's Night Before Christmas

Twas the night before Christmas
And all through the van
The children were whining cuz
None of this was part of the plan

My family all dressed up
And I in a sweater
Were off to Midnight mass
What could possibly be better

Going to sleep? Opening presents?
I have a new video game to play
"Hush now, stop whining"
Said my mom, "we need to pray"

So we entered a new church
Where we'd not been before
And tried not to sleep
For the mass was a bore

But then a roll call of those
Souls the congregation had lost
To illness or accident or old age
I'm stuck for a rhyme, I'm not Robert Frost

"In memory of Bob and Bill"
Where are the last names I thought?
"Of John and Lucy and Dorothy"
A slight laugh and snicker I fought

"In memory of Chuck and Bob"
I lost it, laughing into my hand
The repetition of such a common name
I tried to fight it, but I lost all command

The preacher continued
In the same easy tone
People began staring
My laughter wasn't alone

My mom and my sister
Joined in the fun
While my dad looked ashamed
And like he wanted to run

But we still needed
To receive Eucharist
As the preacher looked at me
He seemed rather pissed

"Body of Christ" he growled
"Amen" I replied, staring at the floor
My family followed suit
And then we walked to the door

We got to the van
And laughed til we cried
Feeling sorry for Dorothy
And the two Bob's who had died

We drove home with smiles
We knew it right then
We would never step foot
In that Church again