What I need is a good defense ‘cause I'm feelin' like a criminal

So I am on full scramble mode currently, so this blog post will probably be short and awful … just the way your mother gets it Trebek. I am breaking out the glow sticks and ecstasy tablets, so drink plenty of water so you don’t die of dehydration … it is rave time.

Unless you are being ironic (or if you are too young to know what irony means), or your hat has LEDs imbedded into the bill, you should never wear a hat with an adjustable strap. The only people who wear baseball hats that are not fitted are rednecks and clueless dads who are sporting the hat of whatever school to which their children are interested in going. The irony comes in when you are dressing up facetiously or in costume. I was trying to trick you. Thinking that you are post-modern or a trucker/Ashton Kutcher does not allow you to get away with this style without me coughing “douchebag” in your general direction.

The four allowable instances of non-fitted hats are 1) you are a little kid and your head size is still growing 2) LED in the bill 3) you are a female and need pony-tail room (not okay for men who need pony-tail room) 4) you are playing an outdoor sport and your hat is bound to get filthy, disgusting, and thrown around.

Preliminaries out of the way … fitted hats kick major ass. They are so very comfortable, fit much better than one-size fits all, and, thanks to stores like Lids and their growing popularity (good bye 80s), a plethora (or cornucopia) of styles and logos to choose from. Also, if you are wearing a hat to represent your favorite team, school, city, brand name (aka I love Nike so much I got a hat with just their logo!) why not spend the extra six bucks and make it actually look nice?

Basically, I have nothing more to say … like Abraham Lincoln once did, I will apologize for the length of this post as I do not have time to edit it or write better. I guess your mom enjoys long, awkward, rambling, and awful Mr. Trebek. My apologies to your father.

(Sidenote: I wear my hat brim very, very bent ever since I was in T-Ball ... hell, I used to wrap a rubber band around it so it would be super curved. According to this ... it makes me very white.)